you need more of me

i rate today a 93%.

1. i finally wore my contacts after a week of wearing glasses. (but now my eyes are slightly red again freak)

2. i ate lunch and caught up with my SG daughter ann (if you're reading this, hi! <3)

i was so very encouraged and challenged by what God has been showing her throughout her time in Uganda and post-, as she shared about the importance of prayer. it definitely reminded me that i myself need to pray way more. i've honestly been really lacking in the prayer department these days. but, it's not that God needs our prayers in order to take action in our lives. rather, praying is a way of showing Him that we are nothing without Him. it is a means of communication with our Dad. and everyone knows that in a relationship, "communication is key." (amen, hallelujah.)
my life has been so much busier than before that i live moment by moment, relying on my own strength and talking to myself more than i do with God. i take this any further and i'm going to trip and fall. and then God's going to pick me back up, dust the dirt off my butt, and say, "Sarah, remember to hold my hand." (like i tell my kids all the time when we take walks outside.)

3. work went by pretty fast. it was the first time ever i wasn't hungry during a session. i would usually look super forward to snack time, but today, i couldn't even finish my orange juice. i was just too freaking full.

4. for dinner, i met up with sarah myung, helen, and ara and ate MARIO'S. and we had the time of our lives laughing like retards. it was a good time of catching up and joking around and having plain ol' fun.

we were talking about my nephew's first birthday and helen jokingly asked if she could sing for the party. ara added, "how about me? what should i do?" and helen said she should do some "spiritual dancing" on a pole, and started singing "change my heart O God~" while demonstrating what the dancing would look like. we DIED laughing for a good few minutes. but later i realized that the song itself kinda somehow applied to how i've been doing.

i've been praying for my heart to change throughout the past week, especially because i felt myself changing slowly. like i've mentioned before, living at home has been draining -- not because my mom is strict on me or anything, but just because of the fact that i've been away for nearly 5 years living with my friends slash alone and now i'm surrounded by family members who jansori and say ridiculous things that, for some frustratingly unknown reason, irks the h-e-double-blah blah out of me. plus, i have no personal space. i need my own room. all the stuff i brought back home from SD/korea are just laying around in random places. a few things are still in my trunk.
i like to blame my growing impatience and spiritual complacency on reasons like these, but i know it doesn't justify anything.

my unofficial mentor from harbor church gave me a book before i left SD called "Celebration of Discipline," after i expressed my fear of becoming lazy and complacent once i move back home. i opened the book yesterday. didn't even get through the first page because i was SOOO tired.

today as i was pulling out of the garage of one of my clients' apts and waving bye to the family, i thanked God for my job and then said, "God, I need more patience huh?"


No, my daughter, you need more of me.


truth.