one month left, my friends

that is right. one month left.
fkjwlekjf FREAK. i think i'm gonna cry.

jk (kinda)
i'm the type of person that gets major withdrawals from something i'm/was attached to.
don't tell me to get over it.
cuz i'll kick you.

hahah sorry~ bad way to start the entry.
mmm let's see.

1. stella is coming back tomorrow. and i believe jeanne is coming back on tuesday. HOORAY!
2. therefore, tonight's the last night i'm gonna be living alone. WEIRD!
*remember, i moved into stella's apt 2 days before she left. now i feel like she's coming to visit ME. lol
3. tina is leaving for the states on monday. BOO!
4. i have 4 tutor sessions back to back tomorrow. FML BML!
*remember, no more fml's.
5. tomorrow is the last day for 2 of my students. thus, i'm down to only 2 students. thus, more freedom. YAY!
6. ... uh oh. too much freedom. not enough to save up. FREAK!
7. wait... esther ryu needs a substitute for her hakwon job from march 10-22. 35,000 won/hr. 26 hours. you do the math.

WOOHOO! God is good all the time! (like my positivity? i'm working on it.)

ok... honestly i don't like using "!" too much. makes me sound too perky, which i'm not.
if you guys know me well enough, the more i'm comfortable with you, the deeper/more blah my voice gets. dang, no wonder my mom yells at me all the time for not having enough aegyo. sucks for her.

it rained like crazy out of nowhere today. i hated it. the weather has been sooo nice this past week too! it was like... in the low 50's or something. today was 39. sad sad day...
but oddly, i've been getting random whiffs of korean summer, and it would bring me back to the days i was living in that closet-room in apgujung. those days i'd wake up to the stupid "meh-mi" bugs "wengwengweng"-ing forever... those days i'd wake up to my fobby alarm and dread getting ready for hakwon interviews... those days i'd fight with my dad for coming home at 10:16 pm... those days i wouldn't want to breathe because it's so damn humid and hot...

sheldon: what does korean summer even smell like?
me: mmm i don't know.. hard to describe... like... sweat and...
sheldon: are you sure it's not just your neighbor's sweaty clothes being hung out the window??
LOLL



oh yes,  here's the assignment i gave mr. kang almost 2 months ago that i forgot to post. if you haven't read about him already, look for the entries. his name's in the titles:
topic: the proudest moment of your life

"I was walking on the great fairway on Sunday last spring. I can't forget the air freshness and the sunshine of that day. You know why? I got the best score 76, just 4 over for the first time [he meant from the first time]. I was really happy and surprised because however I hit my ball, the ball flew and set where I wanted. Golf was a piece of cake at that moment. I have put my passion to golf for 6 years and golf is a kind of 'Mojo' [me: mr. kang........ did you watch Austin Powers?.... nvm.] I'm still keep practicing golf to get the most proud of my life again." - Mr. Kang

... i'm pretty sure i'm gonna miss him.

the discipline of contentment

after coming back from cambodia and becoming re-familiar with the feeling of loneliness, i decided to make a friend (unfortunately one-way).

her name is barbara hughes, author of "disciplines of a godly woman."

for those of you who don't know already, i usually dislike reading books. actually, it's like a cycle.
i refuse to read, then out of partial curiosity i force myself to read something, end up liking it, deciding it's not so bad to read, forget that i decided that, and then.... there you go, the vicious cycle.

anyway, dang, i've been reading it for 2 days now (on long subway rides) and i'm already on chapter 8! or is that considered slow....

it's ok. reading's not about speed.
so far, it's great. i recommend all you ladies to read this book. it's so straight forward, applicable, challenging -- all at a right level. it seriously motivates you to strive to become godly.

ok, A.D.D. moment: there are so many things i want to write about in my blog entries that i think of throughout the day, but ahhhh what to choose, what to choose!

ok done. i decided on: the discipline of contentment.
*note: i don't know about you, but some ppl (including me) sometimes tend to skip blog entries that talk about spiritual stuff because they're afraid of the challenge they'd receive if they read it. 
i still hope you continue to read -- and that you receive this encouragement/challenge with an open heart. (and i'll try not to make it boring!)

if you are a loyal reader of my blog, you should already know by now that i have been struggling to be content. i have been in and out of being thankful and satisfied in my salvation, depending on the situations i was in.
hopefully, this will last, but ever since God's given me the ever-so-gracious opportunity to go to cambodia, i have felt this peace and contentment within myself. God has reminded me that no matter how much or how little i have, as a human being and as a sinner, i'm never going to be satisfied -- unless i am indulged in the Word. only God satisfies, and He does that through the Word.

"When you find yourself discontented, stop and make a calculated evaluation of the longing. Is it a godly one -- or ungodly? Will you yield to temptation in an attempt to satisfy your heart's desire, or will you turn to God and His Word for help?"

is my longing to be aesthetically blessed or... financially comfortable godly or ungodly? if He satisfies that longing, will it lead me to sin, or will i glorify Him? will it be easy for me to turn from temptation and towards God and His Word?

humans have this tendency to seek approval or favor from people around them, even those they don't really know. why is that? why do we care soooo much about what others think about us when ultimately, it doesn't matter at all? think about it; it's worthless. it's worth less than a piece of crap, really.

i had another meaningful date with tina cho today and when she reads this, i'm 86% sure she's going to giggle to herself, but she said something so DAAANGGG-worthy again that i have to mention it in this entry.

i was sharing with her about how i was challenged from the mentioned chapter in this book, and we ended up discussing about how we have recently come to be content with our individual circumstances. then, she made an illustration about christian struggles (obviously not word for word):

"some of my friends are so content with their lives. they have it good -- grad school, boyfriends, etc. they've pretty much 'moved their clothes into the drawers'. to them, the world is their home. the reason why we struggle in life as christians and aren't comfortable like non-christians are, is because when we're away from home, for instance, at a hotel, we don't put our stuff into the drawers; we keep them in our suitcases. why? because we know we're going to leave soon. the hotel isn't our home. in that same way, this world isn't our home, which is why we feel uncomfortable and struggle."

it makes sense! as much as hotels can be fancy schmancy and physically pleasing to the eye, they aren't entirely comfortable -- because it isn't home. sometimes, we don't get the service or the room that we want or expect, and it's uncomfortable. sometimes, the mattress and the blankets aren't soft enough, and it's uncomfortable. sometimes, instead of a beautiful view of the ocean, we get a nasty view of fellow hotel guests getting down to business, and it's pretty damn uncomfortable... BUT, we stay patient and we take it as it is with thanks, knowing that in a few days, we'll return home and... ahhhh. :)

true contentment comes from God alone. we don't feel discontent because God's depriving us. we're depriving ourselves of the Word (the only cure to earthly dissatisfaction) by being lazy and stupid and self-centered. if we truly take the Gospel for what it is and love God for who He is and what He's done for us, we would never be hungry for the things of this world. we'd be patient in our struggles, knowing that our treasures are stored up at Home!
(kinda like how i'm trying to remind myself that the present uncomfortableness of wearing the same clothes every day is only temporary because all my clothes are at home, which i'll be returning to in A MONTH!!)

God is good. All. The. Time.
no more FML's, guys. let's BML it!

like paul, let's "learn to be content whatever the circumstances" (philippians 4:11).

love people, love the world

*edit: for those of you who don't have fb.... here's my first video :)
back in cambodia - ep. 1

------
the title is inspired by what's on the cover of my planner. i'm looking at it right now.
it's the motto for red mango. stella ripped it from a red mango napkin a while ago and put it in my planner cover.

anyway, i'm back! or i've been since yesterday morning at 6:40 am.

there's so much i want to talk about. my videos/pictures don't do justice. when do videos/pictures ever do, anyway?

the first 2 videos of my trip are up on facebook. if you don't have facebook (ahem, sharon) and you want to watch it, tell me?

i just came back from the dermatologist. why?
i got 40 bug bites (arms + legs + feet) from the trip. not kidding, exactly 40. i triple-counted.

2 days ago

yesterday morning; my swollen ankle. i have to limp :/

yesterday night

so they gave me a variety of pills to eat twice a day + some anti-itch liquid. 

i went to a sauna yesterday right after coming back from the airport and i felt like a leper because all the ahjoomas were staring at my legs. i left after 30 minutes. 

anyway, about my trip... 

the weather was scorching and humid (way different from korea's now-40 degree weather), almost everything i touched was dirty, and being manwiched on bumpy moto rides was somewhat uncomfortable, but other than that, i loved it. 4 days was perfect for my reunion with cambo. i was reunited with my cambodian friends...

bom and chansi (jesse)

dara (and his gf)

... and met some new ones.

 and i also got to meet some of the students from 2.5 years ago!!! that was the best <3

then...

now!

then...

now!

then...

now!

then...

now! 

there's more, but... crazy huh?? except i couldn't find my cutie (refer to previous post). they say he left life university. :( i died inside a little. 

God is seriously blessing this school. so many new changes, so many developments. these kids are growing up so well and i know that through God's love and grace, they are going to become wonderful, inspiring citizens of cambodia (and heaven)! 

if the khmer rouge didn't happen, cambodia would be a pretty bumpin' place. maybe even better than thailand. it's just so sad how most of the people there lost family members or friends from it and are working so diligently to rebuild their country and their lives. throughout the trip, God has reminded me that these people are also His children -- my brothers and sisters -- and that they are no different from me. God is perfect and sovereign, and although it seems like there are people today who live more blessed lives than others in this world, He is taking care of things in His own perfect time. He knows what He's doing and we aren't to question or complain -- only to pray that we would be continually used for His glory. 

love people, love the world 

because God loved us first.

(1 john 4:19)

i'm here!

i'm currently here at life university in sihanoukville, cambodia :)

i arrived at 11 pm at phnom penh, took a tuk tuk (those motorcycle-carriage things) to the bus terminal...

killed time at a bar called "riverside bistro"...

with sheldon and bom, my cambodian friend :)

.... took a sleeping bus at 1:30 am...

and finally arrived in sihanoukville at 6 am!

right now is 7:46 am. i haven't roamed around the school yet, but i can't wait to be reunited with some of the students i remember! especially this cutie:

his name is cena 

sheldon: you look kinda chunky there, sku (LOL)

will update more later! 

dialogue in the dark

got my camera! first picture - me and jessica, 

a Korean-Australian "dongseng" (she's only 18.....) who made

all of us freaking delicious blueberry cupcakes

so since friday, i've been practicing the guitar.
don't ever expect me to play chords. my pinky can't reach. my hands are too small.

i could only pick.
and thus, i've become a guitar fmaster.
i would upload a video of me playing/singing "angel of mine" by monica...
but it's kinda emburrassing.
and it'll be even more, once i reactivate facebook (tomorrow, 6pm PST) and more ppl start to read my blog.

today was valentine's day. thankfully, i didn't barf.

... and it's SONIA PARK'S 23rd BIRTHDAY!!! 

shout out to you, bff-of-10-years. i love you sones <3

dang, i can't believe it's been a year since i had my anti-valentine's day weekend with christina. 

i remember i was at the lowest of the low (weight-wise) because of the b.u. + the food poisoning i got on new year's eve + this random a$$ sickness called "labyrinthitis."

before= 97 lbs/ pic= 88 (i look sickly.)/ now= 92

moving on.
i was home til 3:30 pm, went to tutor by 5, came back at 8.
however, yesterday when i went to this place called "daiso" (a 99cents store equivalent), i saw a hoard of girls buying stuff for their v-day gifts to their significant others.
you see, in korea, v-day is a day where girls give gifts&chocolate to guys.
march 14 is when guys give gifts&chocolate to their yuhj.
and then there's a separate day for jjajangmyun. i don't know when that is. and i don't care.

anyway, that topic doesn't deserve more than what i wrote.

saturday, tina cho and i went to shinchon to go to an exhibition called "dialogue in the dark." in a nutshell, it's an hour-and-a-half-long exhibit of walking in a pitch black environment. we were a part of an 8-person group led by a "roadmaster" who we never got to see. we had to learn to rely on our other senses, as well as our canes, to get through the completely dark rooms. (you should try being in the dark for more than 5 minutes. your eyes start going nuts and you start to see gray clouds surrounding the center of whatever you're looking at.)
one of my favorite rooms was the "market" room, where we had to guess what items we were feeling and bring our partner a present that reminded us of them. there were many "oops"'s and "oh shoot sorry"'s (because as you could imagine, everyone bumps into/feels each other -- i actually caressed some guy's hand and it was awkward), but halfway into it, our group seemed to be comfortable with each other, as well as with the vulnerable situation we were put in. at the end, when we were in a dark "cafe", we were allowed to drink something random and guess what it was. it's crazy how pepsi tastes like 7-up in the dark.
anyway, we asked our guide during Q&A: "how did you know so well where we were standing and stuff??" she was amazing. she sometimes grabbed my hand as if she knew exactly where it was. she also commented here and there stuff like, "team ___, step a little more forward please!"

me: tina, i think i know how she knows. i think she's wearing night-vision goggles.

nope. she was blind. she was just really well-trained and knew exactly how to use her other senses to know our movements and locations.

i can't imagine being permanently blind. i'd rather be deaf. like today, i wore my glasses because my left eye was irritated yesterday, and i think my eyes got worse (my current eyesight = -9......). i couldn't read some things and i was getting kinda scared.
but anyway, i learned that even with these disabilities, God is still perfect. why? because He never puts us through things He knows we can't handle. this "roadmaster" knew exactly where everything was, where everyone was, talked to us as if she knew what we looked like...
i mean sure, she probably feels dapdaphae and depressed at times for not being able to see what everyone else sees, but who doesn't feel that way, regardless whether disabled or normal?
the difference between non-christians and christians is that, in times of depression and chaos, we turn to God, to his throne of grace. He gives us joy and hope for a life -- free from all that negative stuff -- in heaven with Him.

perfect timing

*edit*
while talking to my cambodian friend BOM on gchat ... 
bom: Hey Dara said you have a serious laughing !! right ? be careful with it.. someone going to kill you with joking.. hah


oh shoooot, he remembers my retarded laughs LOL 
-----------

cambodia in 5 days.
i'm so excited i don't know what to do with myself.

i just talked about cambodia to my student for like 40 minutes and showed him lots of pictures.
i can't wait to get my camera on sunday and make a cambo trip video while i visit all the places our team went to, like...

"KL," our team's favorite restaurant in sihanoukville.

hopefully my good memory won't fail me and i can find it.

hopefully, it really is called "KL," or at least the restaurant name's initials are "KL."

*note: look at frank's and my expression. 

he was showing me the fungus in that little pepper (?) sidedish thing

and life university, where we did our ministry for 3 weeks

and then eat....

DURIAN, the "god of all fruits"

don't judge a fruit by its smell. that's all i gotta say.

i wasn't gonna update my blog until i got my camera back, but it's been too long. i hate having a huge gap of no updates, even if people aren't waiting for it. haha


i just vchatted with jeanne, who just boarded the plane to go back to amurrica. so lucky. everyone is leaving me. but i'm so thankful God's blessed me with the opportunity to go to cambo. can't believe it's actually happening. i remember thinking halfway through this korea trip, "oh well, i guess i'm not going." it wasn't a surprise because it seemed too good to be true. i always plan something out of the ordinary and doubt 75% of the time that it's going to happen. that's a bad mentality, i know.
-------------
ok i'm now at jihoon's house tutoring. how am i online, you ask?
he's writing 2 examples of this structure:

article + noun + adverb + past tense verb + preposition + article + noun + to + verb + etc.


he gasped so hard, after i wrote all this on the board and showed it to him, that he choked and coughed LOL
-------------

[continuing... ]
sometimes, i get disappointed in myself that i have such a lack of faith -- in myself and in God. i learn a lesson and forget it later, resulting in doubt all over again. it's such an ugly thing to possess, and i'm slowly trying to overcome it with self-reminders.
so lesson to learn (yet again)?
if it's God's will, it's going to happen in His perfect time. 

cambodia is happening at a perfect time. it's smack in the middle of the 3 weeks my friends are gone, it's at a convenient part of the week where it's easy for me to reschedule all of my tutor sessions, it's when sheldon will be in cambodia, it's when the natives i want to visit are free...

i don't deserve this at all.
how freaking mindblowing it is to have a Father who infinitely loves us and never condemns us, even though we deserve the worst of the worst.

i hope one day, all of cambodia will know of this love.
(oh, and korea, too. they need to stop with all this plastic surgery business. it's seriously nuts.)

bleehhh

life is pretty slow these days.

today's weather was freaking gloomy, foggy, anddd freezing -- the worst combination. it just puts a damper on my MOOD.
on top of that, i thought i had tutor today allllll the way in gangnam area (a little further than my old place) so i woke up at 9 am, showered, got ready really fast, took the bus for an hour all the way to mr. kang's apartment for the first time, went up to the 21st floor, rang the doorbell and......

lady: "누구세요?" ("who is it?")
me: "어.... 저.... 과외하러 왔는데요..." ("uhh.... i came to tutor...")
lady: "과외요?" ("tutor?")
me: "어......... 잠깐만요..... 죄송합니다 ㅎ...ㅎ...." ("uhh.... hold on... sorry ha...ha..")

uhhh...
*calls mr. kang*

*209348 ppl talking in the background*
"mr. kang where are you? i'm at your house!"
"uhhh sarah.... no today... i'm with my daughters!"
"didn't you say we're resting only new years (chinese)?"
"nooo i put in my calendar start monday!"
"you didn't tell me!"


pretty much.... yeah. (oh, and the lady was his mother-in-law)
that's what happened today morning. i was kindaaa ppeejed.
and then i craved --> ate carbs all morning and blah blah and just a few minutes ago, i found out why.
at least i have all this space to myself now to sing, dance, dowhateveriwant!

i'm cold. it's freeeeezing in here. i'm pale.

oh yeah....
stella's gone as of yesterday afternoon. sheldon's gone as of today morning. brian's gone as of friday afternoon..... slowly by slowly people are leaving meeeee...... me sad.

ok update on my jeans: they're still tight.
i either officially gained weight in a matter of a few days, or it's my rag.
hopefully it's the latter, but honestly, i can CLEARLY tell now. my face is the first thing that gets chubby when i gain weight. then it's my arms. both are visibly chubbier.
i'm going to start hip hop abs in about.... 15 minutes.

it's cold.
i miss summer/fall weather.

can't believe this was almost 6 months ago... 

... when it was so freaking hot and sticky we wanted to die.

we call this place "sauna bbq" -- it literally felt like we were eating bbq in a sauna. 

and even though it felt like death, i miss it.

i'd rather have that than this freenland (fake-greenland) of a weather.

*note: get used to my "f's". i use it a lot.

cambodiaaaa

right now i'm at my aunt's house to spend the lunar new year with the famsies -- my aunt, uncle, older-by-1-year cousin suri, older-by-5 cousin/new mother miyeon, and the baby - "minsung" (my sister's 2nd baby "sungmin" flipped).

freaking cutie.

these days, i'm getting lazier to update my blog.
let's see. i still have to finish my mr. kang story from like... 2 weeks ago.
i'll do that later tonight or something.

for now:

i moved into stella's apt 2 days ago! 

too bad i'm only gonna be rooming with her for a month... 

finally some room to breathe. finally some room to prance around. finally some room to..... 

hip hop abs?

lazy.

today morning, after putting on some thin stockings, i put on my jeans and......... whaddahail. it wouldn't button. i was GENUINELY confused. a few days ago, i wore thicker tights under those same jeans and they fit fine. perfectly, actually. 

i could not have gained that much weight in just a few days. impossible!!!!

i'm gonna prove myself wrong later. pleaseeeeeee, sarah.

last night for dinner, jeanne, brian, sheldon, and i ate this thing called "kong bul." it's a big rectangular iron tray of kongnamul (my ultimate fave) and thinly sliced pork (samgyubssahl, one of my faves) and some intense hot sauce, all mixed/cooked over a table-stove. i would put up a picture of what it looks like, but................

CAMERAAAAAA :( 

(but it's ok, hopefully it'll come by this weekend.)

anyway, i told the waitress this time to make it less spicy because last time, i almost died. 

did she listen? no. typical. 

so this time, i wasn't the only one who almost died. brian, even with his malfunctioning taste buds, almost died of spiciness. 

my stomach suffered horribly last night. 

hopefully, me not fitting into my jeans with just sheer stockings is because of this. (but that doesn't make sense...)

anyway, 

another update. so on the subway yesterday, sheldon and i were talking about what we were going to do during feb when everyone is practically gone. sheldon brought up the possibility of going to CAMBODIA and my eyes lit up. i've been wanting to go to cambodia since i first planned on coming to korea. i even talked to one of the natives via facebook and told her my idea and she was excited. 

after discussing the costs of airplane tickets and such (freaking expensive), sheldon brought up the idea of using mileage points!! genius. 

problem:

1. i have a little over 30,000 miles accumulated. i need 40,000 to get a free round-trip.

2. i can get some miles transferred over to my account from my mom or dad's, but... i'd need to ask them for their account number, passport number, blah blah all that hectic stuff... let alone ask them if i... could.... go......

but if all goes well, i'm planning on leaving on the 16th and coming back on the 19th. something like that. 

[update] MY DAD SAID YESSSSS!!!! eeeeheeeeeekwjerlkwf who wants to go with me. 

now i just need to ask my mother. but that'll be ok. 

and then... shots..... i think.... omg i hope not.

[update#2] MY MOM SAID YESSSSSS!!!!! and i asked tina cho to go with me and she's super excited to ask her mom!!! HOPE SHE SAYS YES!!!

CAMBOOOO, i miss you so. kidsssss, i miss you so. mission teammm, i miss you so. 

angkor wat

durian, one of my favorite fruits (minus the deathly smell.)

view from our dorm rooms

my 9th grade gurrrls

the little boy i fell in flove with.

i really hope i can go and catch up with dara and his older sister bom.

*note: dara's now an aspiring model in cambodia. i laugh. 

in support.

story: so on the 2nd to last day of missions, i got a huge stomach pain. huge. i had to walk with my back bent 90 degrees. during the first few hours, everyone thought i was a big oba queen.. but it went to the point where i couldn't sleep and even though i poo-ed and released gas (excuse me) and everything during the night, this piercing pain didn't go away. by this time, we were back in phnom penh... 

and there were hospitals available, sooooo the next day, while my whole team got to go shopping for souvenirs and eat good food, i had to go to the hospital with my leader robin im and bom and get shots on my butt/have an IV stuck in my arm for a few hours (leading me to have the driest mouth in the world and pee every 10 minutes with robin following me to the bathroom with my IV stand). while i was crying, scared out of my pants because of the needles, bom just laughed and called me a coward. "omg.. she hates me. she probably thinks i'm such a stupid little girl from america who can't handle crap." 

bom: you know... you crying because of needle, but i got surgery last week because i rode motorcycle and accident and i broke my collar bone. why you crying?? it's so stupid!

me: hahahaa...ha... (freak, she hates me!!)

"i even talked to one of the natives via facebook..."

that was her. she still remembers me because of this and now, i don't regret going through that excruciating pain (not that i had a choice...). 

I CANNOT WAIIIIIITTTTT