so today was D-Day, and boy did God pass me some more grace alright (refer back to previous post).
last night, someone from the scheduling dept called to change my morning shift from AP's (client's initials) to RL's. I'M DOWN!
so it went from 7 hours with AP to 3.5 hrs at RL's + 4 hrs at AP's.
change of scenery and gainery of $6.25. hollaaaa
today's session with RL was quite... interesting (and i use this word when no other word describes it better.)
usually, a session with him includes community outings -- to the market, k-mart, pan pacific park playground, or barnes & nobles at the grove. RL's mother chose to go to b&n and so i decided to implement this new idea our team came up with: pretend to go home, but meet the family at the location and observe from afar, so we see how our client behaves in our absence (because that's when there's most trouble).
long story short, i felt like a major pedo stalker creep. not only was RL there, but his 8-year-old sister also came along. she loves me and sticks besides me every chance she gets. therefore i had to hide from 2 kids. so there i was in the kids section of barnes & nobles, creeping from one book stand to another all while pretending to read a book, dodging sudden glances towards my direction, and playing hanging with friends on my iphone. there were like 349084 other kids and parents there and i'm sure i looked super duper shady to them because i'd literally flip through the pages of whatever book i'm holding while peeking behind a shelf. imagine it right now. i'm a creep.
i don't wanna do this no mo. someone's gonna report me one day, just watch.
i just came back from tom n toms cafe about 2 hours ago. i worked on my NYU grad app essay while thomas lee was studying for his LSATs. i thought of a good intro and slaved away at it for about 2 hours until i got a call from my DAD, whom i did not talk to for about a month. after the how are you's and my advertising to him about the iphone app "tango" (because remember, he has an iphone too), i went into how i had been working on the NYU essay for a few hours before he called.
long story short (again), he begged me for about 15 minutes NOT to even apply, saying NY is just too dangerous and crazy for me.
me: dad, you said the same thing when i told you i was coming to korea!
dad: i know i know, and you proved to me how much you grew and matured and that you can take care of yourself..... but NY is different!!! it's a lot more dangerous and.... i just know you can't handle it. doesn't your mom think the same??
me: yes, to a lesser degree
dad: that's because i love you VERYYYYY very much and your mom just loves you very much.
LOL
in the end, i agreed to not apply -- half because i want to obey my parents (and i have a particular weakness for my dad...), and half because i've been kinda sorta getting cold feet about NY in general. i did want to try applying anyway, just to see if i'd get in, but i don't want to waste $75. plus, my anatomy grade STILL isn't up. that means i'm on a time crunch times infinity for transcripts.
maybe it just wasn't meant to be.
so yay i wasted 3 hours at an annoying korean cafe! (but then again, i don't know. we'll see.)
short story to top off the night:
thomas and i left tom n toms and were walking back to our cars (his was way closer than mine) and out of nowhere, after i bid goodbye and continued on my little trek, this group of young, drunk fob guys started saying stuff from across the street and walking over. one guy came up to me while i was getting in the car and kept asking, "do you have time to talk? can you talk to me?"(in korean)
"NO. why." (or to be more accurate... "아니요. 왜요.") i retorted in a 'tudey voice.
... and then all of a sudden, thomas on his white horse (aka white mercedes) appeared and shoo-ed him away! and then he waited for me to drive ahead of him.
HAHAHA duh-raaaamaaa
ok the end.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Sunday, December 25, 2011
10:22 [christmas] randoms
so, so far, i made about 67 christmas cards. yes, christmas is over, but i still have lots to make.
luckily, i found a few cards from 2008 that i could reuse.
next time, i'm gonna start in november. i'm not kidding.
anyway, merry christmas, friend!
you know for me, christmas feels less and less christmas-y each year. i think it comes with age, and also with that the appreciation of simplicity.
today was nothing special -- just went to church, sang some christmas songs, gave out a few cards (had to stop myself at 5 because the list was getting too long and time was running out last night), chilled, laughed, ate, ate some more, went to walgreens to print out some photos (that's another story, but it's not worth telling), gave it to the grandparents, ate some more with them, put up the pictures on the wall, ate even more...
you know, nothing special. (jk. "appreciation of simplicity," remember?)
my night out officially ended around 9 pm, and usually i'd be bummed that the rest of the night would be wasted away at home, but right now, i'm liking it.
plus both my noseholes are plugged up and i'm breathing through my mouth. wouldn't wanna do that in public, for many reasons.
some friends and i did homeless outreach yesterday (christmas eve) morning and it was awesome as expected. actually, i enjoyed part 1 a little better because we were altogether and got to talk more with the people we shared our goodies with. this time, we split up into 4 cars and met up later, and our car did more of a drive-by than a pull-over-and-hang-out type of deal. nonetheless, it was a blessing to do it (this time with snacks, blankets, scarves, socks, and old winter clothes) and seeing these people in need so thankful for the blessings received was a blessing for us.
dang it's only 10:29 and i'm so sleepy. i feel like i could just collapse into a deep slumber right now if i tried, but... it's only 10:29.
i'm dreadingggg wednesday. it's D-DAY for me. death-day, that is.
i was originally scheduled to work on new year's eve (saturday) from 9-1. 4 hours. which is wayyy tougher than you think. the most i've done in ONE session with a kid was 3.75 hours. i thought i was going to faint.
well, the client's mom decided that it's ridiculous to have her kid (and her kid's therapist aka me) "work" on new year's eve, so she requested to split the hours up throughout the week.
tomorrow (monday) and tuesday are work holidays.
so wednesday: i have a 3-hr session in the morning (9-12), an hour lunch break, and then 4 more hours (1-5pm) with that same kid.
7 hours with one kid.
7.
what. do. i. do.
Lord, can you pass me some more -- grace please?
luckily, i found a few cards from 2008 that i could reuse.
next time, i'm gonna start in november. i'm not kidding.
anyway, merry christmas, friend!
you know for me, christmas feels less and less christmas-y each year. i think it comes with age, and also with that the appreciation of simplicity.
today was nothing special -- just went to church, sang some christmas songs, gave out a few cards (had to stop myself at 5 because the list was getting too long and time was running out last night), chilled, laughed, ate, ate some more, went to walgreens to print out some photos (that's another story, but it's not worth telling), gave it to the grandparents, ate some more with them, put up the pictures on the wall, ate even more...
you know, nothing special. (jk. "appreciation of simplicity," remember?)
my night out officially ended around 9 pm, and usually i'd be bummed that the rest of the night would be wasted away at home, but right now, i'm liking it.
plus both my noseholes are plugged up and i'm breathing through my mouth. wouldn't wanna do that in public, for many reasons.
some friends and i did homeless outreach yesterday (christmas eve) morning and it was awesome as expected. actually, i enjoyed part 1 a little better because we were altogether and got to talk more with the people we shared our goodies with. this time, we split up into 4 cars and met up later, and our car did more of a drive-by than a pull-over-and-hang-out type of deal. nonetheless, it was a blessing to do it (this time with snacks, blankets, scarves, socks, and old winter clothes) and seeing these people in need so thankful for the blessings received was a blessing for us.
dang it's only 10:29 and i'm so sleepy. i feel like i could just collapse into a deep slumber right now if i tried, but... it's only 10:29.
i'm dreadingggg wednesday. it's D-DAY for me. death-day, that is.
i was originally scheduled to work on new year's eve (saturday) from 9-1. 4 hours. which is wayyy tougher than you think. the most i've done in ONE session with a kid was 3.75 hours. i thought i was going to faint.
well, the client's mom decided that it's ridiculous to have her kid (and her kid's therapist aka me) "work" on new year's eve, so she requested to split the hours up throughout the week.
tomorrow (monday) and tuesday are work holidays.
so wednesday: i have a 3-hr session in the morning (9-12), an hour lunch break, and then 4 more hours (1-5pm) with that same kid.
7 hours with one kid.
7.
what. do. i. do.
Lord, can you pass me some more -- grace please?
Thursday, December 15, 2011
winter break
so i'm officially done with anatomy!
but it doesn't feel any different.........
i came out of the final so confused as to whether or not i did well. (i needed a low B to maintain my A.)
i started studying for my final 2 nights before, and decided to rewrite everything.... the day before. i'm so dumb.
after my final, i came home and literally went through all 20 lecture notes to highlight everything that came out on the test. i only found 75 out of 80 though...........
yeah, i'm that kinda person.
i can't believe 16 weeks whizzed by like THIS.
winter break?!?
no.
i have grad school apps to turn in by the beginning of january, and i'm running into so many problems with transcript stuff. i'm STRESSED.
i hate how my life right is so unstable. everything is up in the air and nothing is certain. it just makes me wanna sleep and never wake up. or to understate what i just said -- i just wanna fast forward to when i'm 26, which is probably when i'll be done with school forever. BLAH
i've been dreaming about something pretty consistently lately. i wish i wasn't. it's really annoying. stupid subconscience.
oh yeah, christmas is coming up in about a week huh? (sorry, Jesus)
like my birthday, holidays are becoming less and less important to me every year. the christmas season is losing its true meaning. might as well call christmas "consumeristmas."
that reminds me...
last year when i was in korea (holy shiz), paris baguette's theme was "you are not alone." are you kidding me? and i'm pretty sure it had nothing to do with "you aren't alone because God's with you and loves you so much He sent His son on 'december 25th' (not really but...) for YOU!"
it was probably - "it's ok if you don't have a lover this christmas season, because you still have us [paris baguette] to satisfy your loneliness and inner suffering with carbs and fat and songs that tell you you're not alone!"
i'm not kidding, when i was chillin at PB for about 2 hours, they replayed the song "you are not alone" over and over. i don't know man, i don't think it makes a person less lonely when the word "alone" is rubbed into your face. (random but relevant fact: korea also plays "home alone" on TV all day.)
anyway, that was soooo last year.
gosh, i remember throughout middle and high school, stella and i would get super duper excited to go christmas shopping. one time, she even brought her tape recorder to record herself listing all the people she's going to get presents for, the budget for each person, and the possible gift ideas. HAHA oba or wuhhh. (i think she still has the recording somewhere in her house.)
that same year, we went to the mall and got each other gifts. the same pj pants. we literally got each other's sizes (we were the same size), went up to the cash register, paid for it, and gave it to each other.
dumb and dumber or wuhhh.
anyway, that's what it is. christmas consumerism. and sadly, it's gonna be like that for the rest of our lives...
but i'd like to do something about it one day.
i can't wait for homeless outreach part dos. christmas eve -- it's set.
but it doesn't feel any different.........
i came out of the final so confused as to whether or not i did well. (i needed a low B to maintain my A.)
i started studying for my final 2 nights before, and decided to rewrite everything.... the day before. i'm so dumb.
after my final, i came home and literally went through all 20 lecture notes to highlight everything that came out on the test. i only found 75 out of 80 though...........
yeah, i'm that kinda person.
i can't believe 16 weeks whizzed by like THIS.
winter break?!?
no.
i have grad school apps to turn in by the beginning of january, and i'm running into so many problems with transcript stuff. i'm STRESSED.
i hate how my life right is so unstable. everything is up in the air and nothing is certain. it just makes me wanna sleep and never wake up. or to understate what i just said -- i just wanna fast forward to when i'm 26, which is probably when i'll be done with school forever. BLAH
i've been dreaming about something pretty consistently lately. i wish i wasn't. it's really annoying. stupid subconscience.
oh yeah, christmas is coming up in about a week huh? (sorry, Jesus)
like my birthday, holidays are becoming less and less important to me every year. the christmas season is losing its true meaning. might as well call christmas "consumeristmas."
that reminds me...
last year when i was in korea (holy shiz), paris baguette's theme was "you are not alone." are you kidding me? and i'm pretty sure it had nothing to do with "you aren't alone because God's with you and loves you so much He sent His son on 'december 25th' (not really but...) for YOU!"
it was probably - "it's ok if you don't have a lover this christmas season, because you still have us [paris baguette] to satisfy your loneliness and inner suffering with carbs and fat and songs that tell you you're not alone!"
i'm not kidding, when i was chillin at PB for about 2 hours, they replayed the song "you are not alone" over and over. i don't know man, i don't think it makes a person less lonely when the word "alone" is rubbed into your face. (random but relevant fact: korea also plays "home alone" on TV all day.)
anyway, that was soooo last year.
gosh, i remember throughout middle and high school, stella and i would get super duper excited to go christmas shopping. one time, she even brought her tape recorder to record herself listing all the people she's going to get presents for, the budget for each person, and the possible gift ideas. HAHA oba or wuhhh. (i think she still has the recording somewhere in her house.)
that same year, we went to the mall and got each other gifts. the same pj pants. we literally got each other's sizes (we were the same size), went up to the cash register, paid for it, and gave it to each other.
dumb and dumber or wuhhh.
anyway, that's what it is. christmas consumerism. and sadly, it's gonna be like that for the rest of our lives...
but i'd like to do something about it one day.
i can't wait for homeless outreach part dos. christmas eve -- it's set.
Friday, December 9, 2011
12:37am randoms
i'm so sleepy right now, and i don't know what motivated me to write an entry.
i realize that my last entry could be misinterpreted as sarcastic. hopefully it was only read by people who know me well enough to know that i really do find dating ugly men to be highly difficult.
aaaaahhhaa gotchaaa (or not)
*edit: hopefully it was only read by people who know me well enough to know that i did NOT mean "if only it was that easy" to date ugly men. [the last line was meant to sound sarcastic! i'm not that horrible, i promise.] what i really meant by it was -- if only it was that easy to date just to date.
what i forgot to mention though, was she encouraged me to sign up with match.com.
L.O.L.
story: sometime in sophomore year, i was at a friend's off-campus apt just hanging out. we were so bored, i came up with the idea to sign up with eharmony. after about half an hour of filling out the most detailed survey about myself, i was congratulated for being eligible and was sent matches to my email within 10 minutes. my guy friend, who went after me, was unfortunately rejected. it's ok, we laughed it off because it was just all fun and games.
funny thing is, as stewpid and crazy as eharmony, match.com, or christiansingles may seem, they actually work. a friend of a friend (christian, attractive, intelligent, and supposedly really picky [lol]) is now actually dating someone she received an email from via one of these websites. a relative of another is happily married (yay eharmony) and even appeared on one of the commercials.
i absolutely dislike hook-ups/ set-ups/ whatever (esp with men >4 years older than me... but on a sidenote: can i seriously not feel like a victim of pedophilia when an older guy is interested? can i look older than 18 already?), which is why i don't see myself dating in a long time. my ideal way of liking someone is through natural occurrences, and so far, my lack of a social life has been deterring me from meeting anyone new (let alone catching up with anyone...... old... not age-wise, but... yeah). and being in grad school won't really help either.
does that mean i'm going to end up marrying someone i already know.........?
oh goodness, may i move on.
i think i'm getting a cold AGAIN. i missed my morning work session today because i wasn't feeling too well, but i sucked it up for my afternoon session and i half-regretted it. i was feeling a headache and a minor fever, and dealing with a 4-year-old child with autism, who for some reason today did NOT cooperate and went buckwild on me, did not alleviate anything. nothing at all, i say.
i don't understand how i'm gaining weight when all i eat these days is rabbit food. or maybe i'm not. maybe i'm eating really good food but forgetting about it every time i eat something weaksauce because i just wanna be a whiner and pity myself. or maybe it's because i'm about to enter that time of the month. or maybe it's because i don't get enough exercise every day. and maybe it's also because i only drink a cup or two of water a day. seriously, someone needs to invent something for people who don't drink enough water. i put effort into it sometimes by carrying around a tumbler or a water bottle, but i lose it wayyy before i even remember to take a drink out of it again.
i'm hungry.
i realize that my last entry could be misinterpreted as sarcastic. hopefully it was only read by people who know me well enough to know that i really do find dating ugly men to be highly difficult.
aaaaahhhaa gotchaaa (or not)
*edit: hopefully it was only read by people who know me well enough to know that i did NOT mean "if only it was that easy" to date ugly men. [the last line was meant to sound sarcastic! i'm not that horrible, i promise.] what i really meant by it was -- if only it was that easy to date just to date.
what i forgot to mention though, was she encouraged me to sign up with match.com.
L.O.L.
story: sometime in sophomore year, i was at a friend's off-campus apt just hanging out. we were so bored, i came up with the idea to sign up with eharmony. after about half an hour of filling out the most detailed survey about myself, i was congratulated for being eligible and was sent matches to my email within 10 minutes. my guy friend, who went after me, was unfortunately rejected. it's ok, we laughed it off because it was just all fun and games.
funny thing is, as stewpid and crazy as eharmony, match.com, or christiansingles may seem, they actually work. a friend of a friend (christian, attractive, intelligent, and supposedly really picky [lol]) is now actually dating someone she received an email from via one of these websites. a relative of another is happily married (yay eharmony) and even appeared on one of the commercials.
i absolutely dislike hook-ups/ set-ups/ whatever (esp with men >4 years older than me... but on a sidenote: can i seriously not feel like a victim of pedophilia when an older guy is interested? can i look older than 18 already?), which is why i don't see myself dating in a long time. my ideal way of liking someone is through natural occurrences, and so far, my lack of a social life has been deterring me from meeting anyone new (let alone catching up with anyone...... old... not age-wise, but... yeah). and being in grad school won't really help either.
does that mean i'm going to end up marrying someone i already know.........?
oh goodness, may i move on.
i think i'm getting a cold AGAIN. i missed my morning work session today because i wasn't feeling too well, but i sucked it up for my afternoon session and i half-regretted it. i was feeling a headache and a minor fever, and dealing with a 4-year-old child with autism, who for some reason today did NOT cooperate and went buckwild on me, did not alleviate anything. nothing at all, i say.
i don't understand how i'm gaining weight when all i eat these days is rabbit food. or maybe i'm not. maybe i'm eating really good food but forgetting about it every time i eat something weaksauce because i just wanna be a whiner and pity myself. or maybe it's because i'm about to enter that time of the month. or maybe it's because i don't get enough exercise every day. and maybe it's also because i only drink a cup or two of water a day. seriously, someone needs to invent something for people who don't drink enough water. i put effort into it sometimes by carrying around a tumbler or a water bottle, but i lose it wayyy before i even remember to take a drink out of it again.
i'm hungry.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
new year's resolution
cousin esther wants me to date as many guys as possible next year.
person-to-person conversation:
cousin: MAKE IT YOUR RESOLUTION!
me: but i don't want --
cousin: NO. sarah, just do it. you'll never know unless you just go out there and date.
me: but there are no --
cousin: even if you think he's ugly, date him anyway. you never know.
if only it was that easy.
person-to-person conversation:
cousin: MAKE IT YOUR RESOLUTION!
me: but i don't want --
cousin: NO. sarah, just do it. you'll never know unless you just go out there and date.
me: but there are no --
cousin: even if you think he's ugly, date him anyway. you never know.
if only it was that easy.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
iFail
i have this thing called "grow group" every monday night.
name is pretty self-explanatory.
we're going over "radical" by david platt. it's pretty... radical, this book. every chapter makes you feel like a despicable human being, in a... good way i guess. no no, not because being despicable is good, but yeah. you know.
funny how this week's chapter was about money, too (see a recurring theme here?)
it talked about how money is a God-given blessing, that it's for us to enjoy.
YAY THE END!
no.
it's also dangerous, duh. when it becomes your #1 source of comfort and happiness, that's when you know you're in big trouble.
later on, it challenges the readers to give to those in need. how much? until it hurts.
did you know (you probably do but whatevs) that if you have a home with running water, you're in the top 15%? (ok honestly, the book's not near me so i might be kinda wrong.)
how much can we give up for God? how much of our possessions can we let go to give to those who need it more than we do? there's a huge cost to being a follower. but is it worth it?
today was just UGH. and it's my fault. i could say that now.
my personality is -- when i'm set on doing something that day, it's going to happen. if it doesn't, i get irritated.
i set today to be the day i get my iPhone 4s, right before i go to work at 2:30. i saved up just enough to not starve for the next 2 weeks, so i was good to go. i guess.
"ok, i'm gonna sleep in (yess), get up and out by 11-ish, eat something light and delicious, and go to target and get my iPhoneeee," i thought with excitement the night before. (target because sharon and patty got theirs without reserving it and even received $30 store credit for trading their droids in.)
long story short:
-got a phone call at 7:30am from the office asking if i could cover a shift from 9-12. ok fine.
-went to target at 12:30, only to find out that the 2 girls who were there before me got the last 2 iPhones.
-got sent over to another target 35 minutes away, only to find out that the guy who works in the phone section was out for lunch, when he KNEW i was coming in.
-went to another client's home at 2:30 and left at 3:15, almost 2 hours earlier than scheduled because the kid was K.O.
-went back to the 2nd target, only to be told that all targets ONLY carry at&t iPhones. ........... are you kidding me??? is what i said 20394 times at that moment.
-went to my korean cellphone store next to my mom's bakery, only to see that it was CLOSED.
are you kidding me???
-went to the nearest verizon store, only to find out that i have to pre-order. but it's coming friday (thank you)
i went through ALL THAT for a FREAKING iPhone that will cost me $255 (including tax).
ouch......
but because of what?
the only giving there is in this situation is... giving in to materialism.
so how much can i give up for God? how much of my possessions can i let go to give to those who need it more than i do? there's a huge cost to being a follower. but is it worth it?
sigh, iFail.
name is pretty self-explanatory.
we're going over "radical" by david platt. it's pretty... radical, this book. every chapter makes you feel like a despicable human being, in a... good way i guess. no no, not because being despicable is good, but yeah. you know.
funny how this week's chapter was about money, too (see a recurring theme here?)
it talked about how money is a God-given blessing, that it's for us to enjoy.
YAY THE END!
no.
it's also dangerous, duh. when it becomes your #1 source of comfort and happiness, that's when you know you're in big trouble.
later on, it challenges the readers to give to those in need. how much? until it hurts.
did you know (you probably do but whatevs) that if you have a home with running water, you're in the top 15%? (ok honestly, the book's not near me so i might be kinda wrong.)
how much can we give up for God? how much of our possessions can we let go to give to those who need it more than we do? there's a huge cost to being a follower. but is it worth it?
today was just UGH. and it's my fault. i could say that now.
my personality is -- when i'm set on doing something that day, it's going to happen. if it doesn't, i get irritated.
i set today to be the day i get my iPhone 4s, right before i go to work at 2:30. i saved up just enough to not starve for the next 2 weeks, so i was good to go. i guess.
"ok, i'm gonna sleep in (yess), get up and out by 11-ish, eat something light and delicious, and go to target and get my iPhoneeee," i thought with excitement the night before. (target because sharon and patty got theirs without reserving it and even received $30 store credit for trading their droids in.)
long story short:
-got a phone call at 7:30am from the office asking if i could cover a shift from 9-12. ok fine.
-went to target at 12:30, only to find out that the 2 girls who were there before me got the last 2 iPhones.
-got sent over to another target 35 minutes away, only to find out that the guy who works in the phone section was out for lunch, when he KNEW i was coming in.
-went to another client's home at 2:30 and left at 3:15, almost 2 hours earlier than scheduled because the kid was K.O.
-went back to the 2nd target, only to be told that all targets ONLY carry at&t iPhones. ........... are you kidding me??? is what i said 20394 times at that moment.
-went to my korean cellphone store next to my mom's bakery, only to see that it was CLOSED.
are you kidding me???
-went to the nearest verizon store, only to find out that i have to pre-order. but it's coming friday (thank you)
i went through ALL THAT for a FREAKING iPhone that will cost me $255 (including tax).
ouch......
but because of what?
the only giving there is in this situation is... giving in to materialism.
so how much can i give up for God? how much of my possessions can i let go to give to those who need it more than i do? there's a huge cost to being a follower. but is it worth it?
sigh, iFail.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
happy day of giving thanks
i wouldn't have spent my day any other way.
see, sometimes facebook isn't so bad. if it's not to stalk people you don't have some sort of a relationship with, it's not so bad.
thanks to facebook (and... later a phone call, but i mean...), i was able to partake in something i've been wanting to do for a while -- random homeless outreach. not with an organization, not planned by church, but just last-minute random homeless outreach with fellow believing friends.
we started off by meeting at my church [open door] at 8am. we made cards with bible verses and put them into little paper bags filled with fruit, juice, and leftover pastries from cafe dulce. then we prayed, split up into 2 cars, and headed out at about 9:30. downtown was poppin', we knew, but we wanted to hit up the less stereotypical places. to silverlake-ish we headed.
david on the bottom right, wearing the john 3:16 shirt
kevin on the top left, praying with me
highlights:
-talked to a man named david who lost his job and home, but is somehow providing for his wife by letting her stay at their friend's for $300 a month while he stays on the streets. "the first night we were out on the streets, she almost got killed. after that, i did not want her to be out here anymore. i visit her every day." true love right hurr.
-prayed for a man named kevin, who goes around LA and finds the best deals, like 10cent coffee at philippe:
just happeneddd to come here one sunday with college ministry.
i wouldn't have had that great of a conversation with kevin, had it not been for that one sunday. :)
-met a guy named al(bert) who we've come to respect so much. this elderly man sticks by his partner sharon, a mentally ill/blind aging woman stuck on a wheelchair who claims to be a prophetess from God (and given a clear sign that she's 8-months pregnant with twins) and goes through random, overblown spurts of anger (which we witnessed today). he takes it in and still cares for her and stays by her side, even though she verbally tears him apart. it's been 2 years now.
this is what i love about outreach. i get to hear people's stories. i learn perspective. i reevaluate my life and realize things i would've otherwise been oblivious to.
today was great. not because it made me feel good by doing good. but because i fully experienced God through new encounters, new friendships, new perspective, and new conviction.
and for this, i am thankful.
Monday, November 21, 2011
lesson learned
yesterday, as i was eating my cereal, i decided to refresh my memory of the chapter i was going to go over with my church small group.
the title of the chapter: you're not a christian if you love money
(i'm going by memory so if you have the book and see that i'm wrong, please don't "ugh that's wrong" me.)
long story short, later that day, i left my bag upstairs at church [stupid move] with my sweater covering it, next to everyone else's stuff. i came back up after our thanksgiving performance for the adults and discovered that my $100 bill was missing from my wallet. did i misplace it? no. did i use it without thinking? no i believe not. did i use it for offering by accident? pretty sure i didn't. i'm 98% sure someone took it. my sweater was positioned differently and my bag was more widely open than before.
i was in disbelief. but at the same time, i was pretty calm about it. surprisingly, i wasn't freaking out, i wasn't angry, i was just... calm. like any human being would, i took everything out from my wallet and searched through every receipt, business card, and old pictures. maybe like 5 times. and then i just... let it go.
whoever took it (pretty sure it was a middle or high schooler, because a few of them were hanging out around that area) better spend it well.
today, i found out that i didn't get chosen to be a finalist for the "hanging with friends" art contest. i was pretty bummed because i saw this as an opportunity to save money for grad school. still kinda bummed, but i mean... what should i expect when i only worked on it for 2 hours the night before it was due, while the finalists went all out and probably worked on it for days.
lesson learned:
"People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs."
the title of the chapter: you're not a christian if you love money
(i'm going by memory so if you have the book and see that i'm wrong, please don't "ugh that's wrong" me.)
long story short, later that day, i left my bag upstairs at church [stupid move] with my sweater covering it, next to everyone else's stuff. i came back up after our thanksgiving performance for the adults and discovered that my $100 bill was missing from my wallet. did i misplace it? no. did i use it without thinking? no i believe not. did i use it for offering by accident? pretty sure i didn't. i'm 98% sure someone took it. my sweater was positioned differently and my bag was more widely open than before.
i was in disbelief. but at the same time, i was pretty calm about it. surprisingly, i wasn't freaking out, i wasn't angry, i was just... calm. like any human being would, i took everything out from my wallet and searched through every receipt, business card, and old pictures. maybe like 5 times. and then i just... let it go.
whoever took it (pretty sure it was a middle or high schooler, because a few of them were hanging out around that area) better spend it well.
today, i found out that i didn't get chosen to be a finalist for the "hanging with friends" art contest. i was pretty bummed because i saw this as an opportunity to save money for grad school. still kinda bummed, but i mean... what should i expect when i only worked on it for 2 hours the night before it was due, while the finalists went all out and probably worked on it for days.
lesson learned:
"People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs."
-1 Timothy 6:9-10
my money is really God's money. therefore, whatever i have, whatever i will have, i shall be thankful for.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
done and done
i feel soooo freeeeee!
i turned in my loma linda app today!!! WOOP WOOP
i took my test last night and i don't have another one until next next week!!! YIPEEE
i just came home from buying 2 friends boiling crab and then being treated out to bingsoo and waffles. YAY
i feel like a huge sac of lard.
i also entered an art contest for the first time in 5 years. the last time i did it was for the human rights watch organization (the theme was "child labor"). i won an award for "best use of color and technical skill" and was invited to this huge event in beverly hills where celebrities like helen hunt and samuel l. jackson gave speeches. and this all stemmed from a typical morning announcement on the PA.
i turned in my loma linda app today!!! WOOP WOOP
i took my test last night and i don't have another one until next next week!!! YIPEEE
i just came home from buying 2 friends boiling crab and then being treated out to bingsoo and waffles. YAY
i feel like a huge sac of lard.
i also entered an art contest for the first time in 5 years. the last time i did it was for the human rights watch organization (the theme was "child labor"). i won an award for "best use of color and technical skill" and was invited to this huge event in beverly hills where celebrities like helen hunt and samuel l. jackson gave speeches. and this all stemmed from a typical morning announcement on the PA.
this time, it stemmed from a simple game of "hanging with friends" played during lecture because people were being so annoying and asking stupid questions and getting the professor to go off topic like EVERY OTHER FREAKING WEEK.
:)
if i get into the finalist pool, i will need votes to win a macbook air!!!! i really hope i get chosen.
gosh i feel like such a loser right now
a fat loser.
time to watch some modern family.
Friday, November 11, 2011
best week ever
...... NOT.
no, it's not a nose bleed. i guess you can call it clear blood.
i abhor getting a runny nose.
PET PEEVE (or is it "peef" as a singular.....): when people cough their brains out and "kkkkk" to rid their throats of mucus -- in close proximity of others LIKE IT'S NO BIG DEAL. LIKE IT'S NOT CONTAGIOUS AT ALL.
well guess what. i'm finding out right about now that MY NOSE IS BETTER AT RUNNING THAN I AM.
while we're on the topic, let me list a short one of pet peeves (not in a particular order):
- when the toilet paper roll is "under," not "over." i don't know how else to really explain it, but i think you'd understand
- when dishes in the sink are not rinsed in water, so the remnant of food is just stuck and attracting flies
- when people touch dirty things and then touch me or whatever i have to eventually touch
- when text messages are short (ex. "k")
- when voicemails say "call me back!" COME ON. "missed call" says enough already
- when people are really messy/ don't have a sense of basic cleanliness/neatness
- when people write on a slant, like on chalk/whiteboards or paper without lines (unless it's done on purpose)
this is fun. but to be continued. i need to sleep.
i'm making shiz tomorrow :)
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
sick
i had to cancel work today and i just called in to cancel tomorrow's sessions too. it's killing me inside.
to those of you who have faithfully read my blog since the very beginning:
do you remember this post? and that voice? (this was actually before winter hit, so it doesn't count!)
my grandma's voice right now is that x10 (well, because her voice is raspy to begin with).
i'm starting to feel a headache and runny nose. i have lab in 50 minutes. ughhhhhhhhh i DREAD looking for parking.
but i finally wrote my letter of recommendation and now i just have to get my professor's signature.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
hanging
i wanted to make the title a double-entendre, but it's kinda lame. whatevs
1. "hanging with friends" is so fun (the game, not actually...)
(jk hehe)
(ID: sku504. play with me)
2. i'm "hanging" in there -- balancing work, school, church, and now grad school apps. i have a test on tuesday and it's by far the hardest material we've gone over. i dread studying for it.
oh, i guess i didn't tell you why i actually didn't take it this past tuesday. i was planning on doing whatevs on the test and just dropping the score (since we're allowed to drop the lowest score) because i barely studied for it, but i went to school and class was canceled! awesome, isn't it?
i've been so consumed by grad school apps the past few days, and i found out more pros and cons about the schools, which is somewhat causing more of a dilemma for me.
like i said before, my #1 preference is Cal State Dominguez Hills. why? it's the cheapest. PLUS, i could live with my sister and not pay for rent/utilities/food. hollaaaaaaa....
sigh.
if i don't get into any of the 3 schools, i'm going to take it as a sign from God that i am destined for CSUDH.
ok sorry, my posts are going to be boring for the next week or so.
1. "hanging with friends" is so fun (the game, not actually...)
(jk hehe)
(ID: sku504. play with me)
2. i'm "hanging" in there -- balancing work, school, church, and now grad school apps. i have a test on tuesday and it's by far the hardest material we've gone over. i dread studying for it.
oh, i guess i didn't tell you why i actually didn't take it this past tuesday. i was planning on doing whatevs on the test and just dropping the score (since we're allowed to drop the lowest score) because i barely studied for it, but i went to school and class was canceled! awesome, isn't it?
i've been so consumed by grad school apps the past few days, and i found out more pros and cons about the schools, which is somewhat causing more of a dilemma for me.
like i said before, my #1 preference is Cal State Dominguez Hills. why? it's the cheapest. PLUS, i could live with my sister and not pay for rent/utilities/food. hollaaaaaaa....
sigh.
if i don't get into any of the 3 schools, i'm going to take it as a sign from God that i am destined for CSUDH.
ok sorry, my posts are going to be boring for the next week or so.
Monday, October 31, 2011
grad school
i'm gonna elaborate on this later
but as of now............
i just wanna sleep and never wake up.
good night
-------------
11.1.11
ok back.
so my dilemma was (and still is) whether i should consider applying/attending a school that is out of state.
if you know me, i'm a very stay-in-my-own-little-bubble kinda person. or i was, before i went to korea.
now that i'm all korea-ed out (my "skuinkorea" blog is evidence that i was put into many situations where i was clearly outside my comfort zone), i'm more willing to venture out and experience a new environment.
so this past week, as i was just thinking about grad school, i started researching for schools that don't require GRE. and these are what caught my eye and gave me some kinda hope in terms of eligibility.
for now:
1. New York University
pros:
-during my 4-day trip to NY, i often felt like i was in the American version of Seoul. dirtier subways/subway stations, dirtier streets, but nonetheless tall buildings, taxis, horrible traffic, convenient public transportation system, lots of shopping opps, blah blah blah.
-there are so many things to do and eat and see and go. my trip was wayyy too short.
-my (favorite) cousin is living in brooklyn <3
-jeanne might live there for a year!
-only 2 letters of recommendation needed
-no set volunteering hours listed. it just says it's "vital"
-2-year program
cons:
-the weather is also like korea. it SUCKS.
-tuition + living expenses = $66K+/year --> loan payment for 203984 years
-i don't feel comfortable with my mom driving my car while i'm gone....... and who's gonna pay for it. not me. (jk i have to...... :/)
-i won't get to see my little nephews grow up :(
-NY is just expense (<-- my version of "expensive")
due date: jan 6
2. Columbia University
pros:
-it's columbia
-2-year program
-[same pros as NYU in terms of NY in general]
cons:
-tuition is about the same as NYU
-requires me to get CPR certification
-physics is listed as a prereq. i took physics in sophomore year of college and i did HORRIBLY. i hate thinking back on freshman/sophomore year. i was HORRIBLE.
-same for stats and humanities. ugh. whyyyyy didn't i study. WHY. i shake my fist at whoever told me to "just play freshman year because you'll have 3 years to make it up." ARE YOU STUPID?!
-3 letters of recommendation (not 2). not sure where i should get my third one.
due date: jan 2 for app/app fee/essay, jan 31 for transcript/letters of recommendation [another "pro"]
3. Loma Linda University (not out-of-state, i know)
pros:
-cheaper than out-of-state
-supposedly a good school. haven't heard too much about it myself though.
-riverside county is clean and cheap
-can get a letter of rec from a pastor!
-minimum 40 hours of volunteering experience [i have 60+ from SD and am planning on doing more]
cons:
-it's riverside county.
-waddahail am i gonna do there?
-1.5 hour commute every week for church/home
-still $35K+ for JUST tuition. living expenses: cheaper, but don't know too much
-it's a seventh-day adventist school. yippee
-priority deadline was today........
-i have to go to SD to get my volunteer observation/evaluation form filled out by my supervising therapist. her schedule does NOT match mine. freak.
-3-year program
due date: jan 15
so.... what's the dilemma?
1. my #1 preference is CSU Dominguez Hills because it's cheapest and closest to home. but.... due date is in september. if i get into any one of the 3, do i... accept it and go? or do i wait to apply to CSUDH and see if i could get in before resorting to other schools?
2. do i take advantage of my youth and experience life in a new environment while piling up future debt? or save money and travel later?
ugh too much to think about.
time to exercise.
sorry for the boring post. (but at least writing it out helped me see the pros and cons more clearly.) (whatever, it's my blog. why am i apologizing.)
but as of now............
i just wanna sleep and never wake up.
good night
-------------
11.1.11
ok back.
so my dilemma was (and still is) whether i should consider applying/attending a school that is out of state.
if you know me, i'm a very stay-in-my-own-little-bubble kinda person. or i was, before i went to korea.
now that i'm all korea-ed out (my "skuinkorea" blog is evidence that i was put into many situations where i was clearly outside my comfort zone), i'm more willing to venture out and experience a new environment.
so this past week, as i was just thinking about grad school, i started researching for schools that don't require GRE. and these are what caught my eye and gave me some kinda hope in terms of eligibility.
for now:
1. New York University
pros:
-during my 4-day trip to NY, i often felt like i was in the American version of Seoul. dirtier subways/subway stations, dirtier streets, but nonetheless tall buildings, taxis, horrible traffic, convenient public transportation system, lots of shopping opps, blah blah blah.
-there are so many things to do and eat and see and go. my trip was wayyy too short.
-my (favorite) cousin is living in brooklyn <3
-jeanne might live there for a year!
-only 2 letters of recommendation needed
-no set volunteering hours listed. it just says it's "vital"
-2-year program
cons:
-the weather is also like korea. it SUCKS.
-tuition + living expenses = $66K+/year --> loan payment for 203984 years
-i don't feel comfortable with my mom driving my car while i'm gone....... and who's gonna pay for it. not me. (jk i have to...... :/)
-i won't get to see my little nephews grow up :(
-NY is just expense (<-- my version of "expensive")
due date: jan 6
2. Columbia University
pros:
-it's columbia
-2-year program
-[same pros as NYU in terms of NY in general]
cons:
-tuition is about the same as NYU
-requires me to get CPR certification
-physics is listed as a prereq. i took physics in sophomore year of college and i did HORRIBLY. i hate thinking back on freshman/sophomore year. i was HORRIBLE.
-same for stats and humanities. ugh. whyyyyy didn't i study. WHY. i shake my fist at whoever told me to "just play freshman year because you'll have 3 years to make it up." ARE YOU STUPID?!
-3 letters of recommendation (not 2). not sure where i should get my third one.
due date: jan 2 for app/app fee/essay, jan 31 for transcript/letters of recommendation [another "pro"]
3. Loma Linda University (not out-of-state, i know)
pros:
-cheaper than out-of-state
-supposedly a good school. haven't heard too much about it myself though.
-riverside county is clean and cheap
-can get a letter of rec from a pastor!
-minimum 40 hours of volunteering experience [i have 60+ from SD and am planning on doing more]
cons:
-it's riverside county.
-waddahail am i gonna do there?
-1.5 hour commute every week for church/home
-still $35K+ for JUST tuition. living expenses: cheaper, but don't know too much
-it's a seventh-day adventist school. yippee
-priority deadline was today........
-i have to go to SD to get my volunteer observation/evaluation form filled out by my supervising therapist. her schedule does NOT match mine. freak.
-3-year program
due date: jan 15
so.... what's the dilemma?
1. my #1 preference is CSU Dominguez Hills because it's cheapest and closest to home. but.... due date is in september. if i get into any one of the 3, do i... accept it and go? or do i wait to apply to CSUDH and see if i could get in before resorting to other schools?
2. do i take advantage of my youth and experience life in a new environment while piling up future debt? or save money and travel later?
ugh too much to think about.
time to exercise.
sorry for the boring post. (but at least writing it out helped me see the pros and cons more clearly.) (whatever, it's my blog. why am i apologizing.)
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
thank the Lord of America
so my entry title is totally an inside joke with a friend. of course i know God is the Lord of the universe. :)
some noteworthy thank-the-Lord's of the day:
-had a pretty good day at work, i must say. (hahaha not that other days totally suck, but....)
-got to vchat with one of my small group girls who's in rome studying abroad and share with her my behavioral therapy knowledge as she was venting to me about this italian "devil-child" she is babysitting. (i saw a video she recorded of him throwing a tantrum. hooo my, this kid needs some therapy.)
-a classmate texted me at 7:28 saying the test was starting at 7:30 when i thought it was at 8 (i told her it was at 8, but fortunately for her, she got there early). if it wasn't for her, i would've taken my sweeeet time going to school.
-i couldn't find parking for about 10 minutes and it was drawing close to 8pm. i was freaking out, so i just took the risk and parked next to a fire hydrant. i left a note saying, "GONE TO TAKE A TEST! PLEASE SHOW ME MERCY!! I'LL BE BACK BY 8:40 LATEST." and prayed. God surely showed me mercy.
-i rannn to the classroom and everyone was staring at me panting like an idiot. the professor still let me take the test.
-our lab practicum was on human and cat muscles. a drawing, model, or the actual cat was laid out on the table and we were to label whatever part he numbered. my answer sheet was SOO messy because i kept changing my mind about certain muscle names, but i just checked my answers and i did better than i thought i did.
-as i was leaving the building in a hurry to get back to my car, this shady guy with a backpack on (hispanic, ~5'3", maybe early 30's) who was standing outside the entrance starting following me and making conversation, like "you just got out of class? what class? oh, how do you think you did? did you park on campus? oh, why not? what's your name?" all the way to the crosswalk. i just answered his questions with confidence, as if i wasn't bothered by him at all (but of course inside i was panicking like hail and thinking, "don't be ignorant. don't be stupid. wait... am i being stupid? which one: don't talk to strangers vs. smile, be nice, and show love??") luckily, he bid me farewell at the crosswalk with a "nice to meet you" and did not rape me in the dark dark neighborhood i was illegally parked in.
tomorrow i'm done with work at 12pm. thank the Lordddd of America.
oh yeah i forgot,
speaking of America...
today is a holiday.
thank the Lord for freedom.
some noteworthy thank-the-Lord's of the day:
-had a pretty good day at work, i must say. (hahaha not that other days totally suck, but....)
-got to vchat with one of my small group girls who's in rome studying abroad and share with her my behavioral therapy knowledge as she was venting to me about this italian "devil-child" she is babysitting. (i saw a video she recorded of him throwing a tantrum. hooo my, this kid needs some therapy.)
-a classmate texted me at 7:28 saying the test was starting at 7:30 when i thought it was at 8 (i told her it was at 8, but fortunately for her, she got there early). if it wasn't for her, i would've taken my sweeeet time going to school.
-i couldn't find parking for about 10 minutes and it was drawing close to 8pm. i was freaking out, so i just took the risk and parked next to a fire hydrant. i left a note saying, "GONE TO TAKE A TEST! PLEASE SHOW ME MERCY!! I'LL BE BACK BY 8:40 LATEST." and prayed. God surely showed me mercy.
-i rannn to the classroom and everyone was staring at me panting like an idiot. the professor still let me take the test.
-our lab practicum was on human and cat muscles. a drawing, model, or the actual cat was laid out on the table and we were to label whatever part he numbered. my answer sheet was SOO messy because i kept changing my mind about certain muscle names, but i just checked my answers and i did better than i thought i did.
-as i was leaving the building in a hurry to get back to my car, this shady guy with a backpack on (hispanic, ~5'3", maybe early 30's) who was standing outside the entrance starting following me and making conversation, like "you just got out of class? what class? oh, how do you think you did? did you park on campus? oh, why not? what's your name?" all the way to the crosswalk. i just answered his questions with confidence, as if i wasn't bothered by him at all (but of course inside i was panicking like hail and thinking, "don't be ignorant. don't be stupid. wait... am i being stupid? which one: don't talk to strangers vs. smile, be nice, and show love??") luckily, he bid me farewell at the crosswalk with a "nice to meet you" and did not rape me in the dark dark neighborhood i was illegally parked in.
tomorrow i'm done with work at 12pm. thank the Lordddd of America.
oh yeah i forgot,
speaking of America...
today is a holiday.
thank the Lord for freedom.
Monday, October 24, 2011
my dumb heart
so for a while, mm.. maybe a year, give or take, i've been praying to God to teach me how to love. well... mostly showing it.
my heart has slowly become skeletal or something -- malleable yet still pretty freaking dense.
dogs don't make me melt anymore. sad movies don't really make me cry (unless it makes even guys cry. then maybe.)
side story: a guy friend told me to watch the korean movie 써니, saying that the whole audience, guys included, either teared up, cried, or bawled their freaking eyes out (he blamed his tears on some non-existent being who was supposedly cutting onions during the movie. haha). i watched it with a dongseng and my tear ducts were yawning with boredom while she was... bawling her eyes out.
ugh i totally started writing this 2 hours ago and i totally got distracted (ex. vchat, upload pictures, chat, hip hop abs, upload/convert videos for anatomy...... and now i have to shower. brb.)
ok back.
going back to my point.
so after having prayed that for about a year, i think i'm finally being thrown into the deep end (meaning i'm being taught the hard way): being placed in the same household as my 89-year-old grandma who at one point earlier this week thought i was in korea when i was in the next room, and my aunt who i mentioned before to be 잔소리 queen of the world (she moved in almost a month ago.)
right now, Christ-like love-ing them is the ultimate toughest for me (of course for different reasons), but i can't wait for my dumb heart to transform into one of flesh (and my monotone, attitude-y man-voice to turn into one of femininity and gentleness) and to effortlessly exude Christ through my actions and words.
i want to love more than i've ever had before -- not just them but everyone around me, even the ones i don't want to love.
sidenote: don't get me wrong. i love my grandma. i don't NOT love her. i just have a difficult time showing it because of my lack of patience with her sometimes and the ridiculous things she says that makes me speechless and are-you-kidding-me.
earlier this week, i was scarfing down this pumpkin porridge that my mom had made, but i couldn't finish it because i was running late to work. my grandma was watching me eat and raving about how i eat stuff like this (aka in my terms -- shigol food or old korean people food) so well compared to other korean-american kids [ehh not necessarily true, but i'll take it]. i couldn't finish the whole thing so i quickly asked her if she wanted to finish it and she took it and started eating it. little did i know until my aunt said something, that she never eats anyone's leftovers -- not even my grandpa's when he was alive nor her children's.
"And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 36:26
my heart has slowly become skeletal or something -- malleable yet still pretty freaking dense.
dogs don't make me melt anymore. sad movies don't really make me cry (unless it makes even guys cry. then maybe.)
side story: a guy friend told me to watch the korean movie 써니, saying that the whole audience, guys included, either teared up, cried, or bawled their freaking eyes out (he blamed his tears on some non-existent being who was supposedly cutting onions during the movie. haha). i watched it with a dongseng and my tear ducts were yawning with boredom while she was... bawling her eyes out.
ugh i totally started writing this 2 hours ago and i totally got distracted (ex. vchat, upload pictures, chat, hip hop abs, upload/convert videos for anatomy...... and now i have to shower. brb.)
ok back.
going back to my point.
so after having prayed that for about a year, i think i'm finally being thrown into the deep end (meaning i'm being taught the hard way): being placed in the same household as my 89-year-old grandma who at one point earlier this week thought i was in korea when i was in the next room, and my aunt who i mentioned before to be 잔소리 queen of the world (she moved in almost a month ago.)
right now, Christ-like love-ing them is the ultimate toughest for me (of course for different reasons), but i can't wait for my dumb heart to transform into one of flesh (and my monotone, attitude-y man-voice to turn into one of femininity and gentleness) and to effortlessly exude Christ through my actions and words.
i want to love more than i've ever had before -- not just them but everyone around me, even the ones i don't want to love.
sidenote: don't get me wrong. i love my grandma. i don't NOT love her. i just have a difficult time showing it because of my lack of patience with her sometimes and the ridiculous things she says that makes me speechless and are-you-kidding-me.
earlier this week, i was scarfing down this pumpkin porridge that my mom had made, but i couldn't finish it because i was running late to work. my grandma was watching me eat and raving about how i eat stuff like this (aka in my terms -- shigol food or old korean people food) so well compared to other korean-american kids [ehh not necessarily true, but i'll take it]. i couldn't finish the whole thing so i quickly asked her if she wanted to finish it and she took it and started eating it. little did i know until my aunt said something, that she never eats anyone's leftovers -- not even my grandpa's when he was alive nor her children's.
"And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 36:26
Sunday, October 16, 2011
you were too fast, week
this week flew by too fast. i felt like last sunday was only 3 days or so ago.
i thought i took my 2nd midterm last week, but it was this week.
school's fun when you do well. i asked myself in the car while driving home after class on tuesday WHY i didn't do well like this in college.
duh, sarah, it's a CC. and you're only taking one class. duh.
anyway, this week, we're going to watch our professor dissect an actual cadaver. i'm scared for my life, but excited at the same time because we get to learn about the person's history -- age of death, occupation, reason of death, etc. it would be coo if we found out his/her religion, too. probably not though.
dang, i feel so dumb because i read other people's blogs and they write so well -- so wittily, cohesively, stylishly (if that makes any sense), and profoundly, but my entries sound so all over the place and informal and elementary.
whatevs
i visited SD this thursday after work and i didn't realize how different it would feel going back. maybe it was partly because i went with jeanne, who wasn't there with me the last quarter i lived there. for the first time, i felt like an actual visitor, like i was in someone else's turf or something.
i can't berib the freshmen that came in when we became seniors are now JUNIORS, living off campus in their own apts. i can't berib my small group girls are now seniors. i can't berib i'm almost 23 and a half. my sister married when she was 23 and a half. :O
sidenote: i realized just now that i spent a lottt more time with friends this week than i usually do. ha :)
this past monday night, as i was studying for my midterm (not really, because nothing was going into my stupid little brain), i had a breakdown (tears and errthang) because i was so frustrated at life. i don't really feel like going into it, but the next morning, as i was reading 1 timothy 6 in bed, i re-learned that salvation does not come easy. every day is a struggle and as children of God, we need to fight the good fight of faith or else jesus' death was good fo nothin' and we just cheapen the continual grace flowing down on us undeserving little shekkis by our infinitely loving and faithful Father.
His mercies are new every morning, and being reminded of that made me feel a whole lot better.
i need to stop living like i deserve this life.
maybe that'll help me become less bitter, antisocial, and lazy.
i thought i took my 2nd midterm last week, but it was this week.
school's fun when you do well. i asked myself in the car while driving home after class on tuesday WHY i didn't do well like this in college.
duh, sarah, it's a CC. and you're only taking one class. duh.
anyway, this week, we're going to watch our professor dissect an actual cadaver. i'm scared for my life, but excited at the same time because we get to learn about the person's history -- age of death, occupation, reason of death, etc. it would be coo if we found out his/her religion, too. probably not though.
dang, i feel so dumb because i read other people's blogs and they write so well -- so wittily, cohesively, stylishly (if that makes any sense), and profoundly, but my entries sound so all over the place and informal and elementary.
whatevs
i visited SD this thursday after work and i didn't realize how different it would feel going back. maybe it was partly because i went with jeanne, who wasn't there with me the last quarter i lived there. for the first time, i felt like an actual visitor, like i was in someone else's turf or something.
i can't berib the freshmen that came in when we became seniors are now JUNIORS, living off campus in their own apts. i can't berib my small group girls are now seniors. i can't berib i'm almost 23 and a half. my sister married when she was 23 and a half. :O
sidenote: i realized just now that i spent a lottt more time with friends this week than i usually do. ha :)
this past monday night, as i was studying for my midterm (not really, because nothing was going into my stupid little brain), i had a breakdown (tears and errthang) because i was so frustrated at life. i don't really feel like going into it, but the next morning, as i was reading 1 timothy 6 in bed, i re-learned that salvation does not come easy. every day is a struggle and as children of God, we need to fight the good fight of faith or else jesus' death was good fo nothin' and we just cheapen the continual grace flowing down on us undeserving little shekkis by our infinitely loving and faithful Father.
His mercies are new every morning, and being reminded of that made me feel a whole lot better.
i need to stop living like i deserve this life.
maybe that'll help me become less bitter, antisocial, and lazy.
Monday, October 10, 2011
am i screwed or something??
i just got in trouble by my mom for picking up the phone like a man.
"you're 23 now. practice having some aegyo when you pick up the phone."
i literally responded with an "ew bye" and hung up.
anyway, an hour ago, as i was on my bed doing my usual morning email checkups and such, i overheard my aunt, grandma, and some family friend fake-aunt/uncle people talking about how they wanted to set the fake-aunt/uncle's acupuncturist nephew (or something like that) up with me.
seriously?? what is up with people wanting to set guys up with me these days?? who says i'm available?!? who says i'm open to it?? do i exuuuudeeee desperation? am i screwed or something??
so let's see the "options" that i have so far (notice the quotations -- meaning i am not serious).
1. 27-year-old med student
2. 29-year-old lawyer from USC
3. [don't know age] acupuncturist/mental disabilities something something (supposedly he's "인기짱" at his church. i know this because my aunt actually approached me about him 30 minutes ago)
4. 26-year-old nurse (he actually came to my nephew's 1st birthday and my brother-in-law introduced me to him as "my friend who i play ball with". slick, hyungboo. very slick.)
5. 24-year-old graphic designer from art center
6. some other dude i forgot who came out of berkeley
7. this isn't anyone specific, but chris [mexico] wants me to date anyone at his church so badly. i think he's worried that i'll never marry.
i know i'm forgetting at least one more.
can't wait to add on to this very useless list.
i will never agree to blind dates until i myself feel like i'm screwed and i need it.
a friend and i joked about being each other's back-up plan if we're 40 and single. i think i'd rather marry him at 40 than go on a blind date.
sigh. life is hard. (hahaha i'm so ridiculous)
"you're 23 now. practice having some aegyo when you pick up the phone."
i literally responded with an "ew bye" and hung up.
anyway, an hour ago, as i was on my bed doing my usual morning email checkups and such, i overheard my aunt, grandma, and some family friend fake-aunt/uncle people talking about how they wanted to set the fake-aunt/uncle's acupuncturist nephew (or something like that) up with me.
seriously?? what is up with people wanting to set guys up with me these days?? who says i'm available?!? who says i'm open to it?? do i exuuuudeeee desperation? am i screwed or something??
so let's see the "options" that i have so far (notice the quotations -- meaning i am not serious).
1. 27-year-old med student
2. 29-year-old lawyer from USC
3. [don't know age] acupuncturist/mental disabilities something something (supposedly he's "인기짱" at his church. i know this because my aunt actually approached me about him 30 minutes ago)
4. 26-year-old nurse (he actually came to my nephew's 1st birthday and my brother-in-law introduced me to him as "my friend who i play ball with". slick, hyungboo. very slick.)
5. 24-year-old graphic designer from art center
6. some other dude i forgot who came out of berkeley
7. this isn't anyone specific, but chris [mexico] wants me to date anyone at his church so badly. i think he's worried that i'll never marry.
i know i'm forgetting at least one more.
can't wait to add on to this very useless list.
i will never agree to blind dates until i myself feel like i'm screwed and i need it.
a friend and i joked about being each other's back-up plan if we're 40 and single. i think i'd rather marry him at 40 than go on a blind date.
sigh. life is hard. (hahaha i'm so ridiculous)
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
i kinda like school
God has seriously blessed me by allowing me to take anatomy this fall.
1. i got in by guessing a number pretty close to the professor's.
2. the class time doesn't clash with my work schedule.
3. i just happened to have a fellow church member in the class that i could sit/study with.
He's also blessed me with semi-diligence, which leads to the great news i'm about to share:
-i got the results for my lab practicum back (the one i vented and oba-ed about in a previous post) today and by God's grace i got an A!!! how? because everyone did so horribly that he decided to add 10 points to the scores. (so yes, i guess i wasn't toooo oba. it was supposed to be an 84)
-i got the results for my first written exam back and i got a A!!! the majority of the class didn't pass.
i heard a row of fob girls sitting behind me "whew"at passing with 70-somethings. hahahaha
.... ok not funny, that was kinda mean. sorryyy
but yeah, i kinda like school. it's kinda fun. and studying's kinda fun. rewriting notes neatly in colorful pens is kinda fun.
last night in class, i was bombed with the news that i have another written test next tuesday. i'm kinda excited to study for it.
moving on,
i dissected a cat today. actually, more like skinned a cat. (we're dissecting it more next time.) it was pretty sick. and sad. i made eye contact with the cat and it panged me with guilt/sadness.
i don't remember if i said this before, but the only thing i dissected in life was a fish. not a cooked fish, but a fish meant for dissection (and this was in the 3rd grade). and then in high school, our period was the only one that dissected a frog online. there weren't enough real ones left for our class (thank God).
1. i got in by guessing a number pretty close to the professor's.
2. the class time doesn't clash with my work schedule.
3. i just happened to have a fellow church member in the class that i could sit/study with.
He's also blessed me with semi-diligence, which leads to the great news i'm about to share:
-i got the results for my lab practicum back (the one i vented and oba-ed about in a previous post) today and by God's grace i got an A!!! how? because everyone did so horribly that he decided to add 10 points to the scores. (so yes, i guess i wasn't toooo oba. it was supposed to be an 84)
-i got the results for my first written exam back and i got a A!!! the majority of the class didn't pass.
i heard a row of fob girls sitting behind me "whew"at passing with 70-somethings. hahahaha
.... ok not funny, that was kinda mean. sorryyy
but yeah, i kinda like school. it's kinda fun. and studying's kinda fun. rewriting notes neatly in colorful pens is kinda fun.
last night in class, i was bombed with the news that i have another written test next tuesday. i'm kinda excited to study for it.
moving on,
i dissected a cat today. actually, more like skinned a cat. (we're dissecting it more next time.) it was pretty sick. and sad. i made eye contact with the cat and it panged me with guilt/sadness.
i don't remember if i said this before, but the only thing i dissected in life was a fish. not a cooked fish, but a fish meant for dissection (and this was in the 3rd grade). and then in high school, our period was the only one that dissected a frog online. there weren't enough real ones left for our class (thank God).
after we skinned it. Hello, Kitty. [Goodbye, Kitty. :(]
i'm pretty proud of myself for not gagging/passing out.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
no matter what
today, our college pastor gave a sermon on divorce. he's going through the book of matthew in order.
to make a point about how much divorce should be avoided, he emphasized the importance and true meaning of marriage -- the union of 2 people into one flesh.
then, he went into the things we shouldn't do while we date our significant other:
1. we shouldn't do anything physical (well duh). even hold hands (wait wuhh?). "you have your whole life to do all these things with your partner. why not just sacrifice a little time?" (true.)
2. we shouldn't "fuel the fire" with words like "i miss you" and "you're so pretty/handsome" because it'll only get us attached to each other for the feel-goods and eventually become meaningless if overused. (good point)
3. we shouldn't marry the person because he/she makes you happy. what happens when they don't later on? (ha.)
4. we should only say "i love you" when we know from the bottom of our hearts, 100%, that we would be willing to spend the REST of our lives with that person and be with that person no matter what. (this is a pet peeve of mine -- when ppl in relationships use it like it's nbd.)
i'm now at an age where dating matters, and i do NOT want to waste time on someone who's gonna end up disappointing me. but i know for sure my next relationship is gonna be way different than my past ones, because i know now not to be too vulnerable and giving of myself. i know now Who to keep my focus on and What to base my relationship off of. i know now what kind of person i need to strive to be to contribute to a strong, healthy relationship (and then hopefully marriage).
the only problem is, right now i have this wall up that i don't know if anyone can really chip at. so i do not know when this "next relationship" will be, and i don't really like thinking about it a lot because it kinda scares me. thus, i will end it here.
sidenote: i need to stop being antisocial and liking it.
to make a point about how much divorce should be avoided, he emphasized the importance and true meaning of marriage -- the union of 2 people into one flesh.
then, he went into the things we shouldn't do while we date our significant other:
1. we shouldn't do anything physical (well duh). even hold hands (wait wuhh?). "you have your whole life to do all these things with your partner. why not just sacrifice a little time?" (true.)
2. we shouldn't "fuel the fire" with words like "i miss you" and "you're so pretty/handsome" because it'll only get us attached to each other for the feel-goods and eventually become meaningless if overused. (good point)
3. we shouldn't marry the person because he/she makes you happy. what happens when they don't later on? (ha.)
4. we should only say "i love you" when we know from the bottom of our hearts, 100%, that we would be willing to spend the REST of our lives with that person and be with that person no matter what. (this is a pet peeve of mine -- when ppl in relationships use it like it's nbd.)
i'm now at an age where dating matters, and i do NOT want to waste time on someone who's gonna end up disappointing me. but i know for sure my next relationship is gonna be way different than my past ones, because i know now not to be too vulnerable and giving of myself. i know now Who to keep my focus on and What to base my relationship off of. i know now what kind of person i need to strive to be to contribute to a strong, healthy relationship (and then hopefully marriage).
the only problem is, right now i have this wall up that i don't know if anyone can really chip at. so i do not know when this "next relationship" will be, and i don't really like thinking about it a lot because it kinda scares me. thus, i will end it here.
sidenote: i need to stop being antisocial and liking it.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
open october
ok i tried to make the title an alliteration but that's the best i could do.
so september was NUTS. i really mean NUTS.
(i wrote "literally" and then realized it didn't make sense.)
(on the other hand though, i did eat a lottt more nuts this month than i ever did my entire life.)
when my supervisor hired me, she said i'd only be working 8-12 hours a week.
this month, i worked an avg of 23 hrs/week. yeah, doesn't sound like much, but i have night classes on tuesdays and wednesdays.... and anatomy in and of itself is a part time job. gotta study study study!
(i'm 99.3% sure i got an A on the exam i took on wednesday hehe.)
so i just filled in my schedule for october in my planner. definitely not as colorful as september. i even have 2 days off! one on the 10th because it's some holiday (columbus day?) for the kids, and the 25th... just because (except i have class at night).
i kinda liked being busy though. it made me feel important. and productive. and grown up. it took my mind off of useless stuff, ya know?
i want more hours now that i'm all used to it.
i think i'm gonna email my scheduling supervisor and ask for more hours........ i hope i'm not being dumb.
oh wow. it's already october.
so september was NUTS. i really mean NUTS.
(i wrote "literally" and then realized it didn't make sense.)
(on the other hand though, i did eat a lottt more nuts this month than i ever did my entire life.)
when my supervisor hired me, she said i'd only be working 8-12 hours a week.
this month, i worked an avg of 23 hrs/week. yeah, doesn't sound like much, but i have night classes on tuesdays and wednesdays.... and anatomy in and of itself is a part time job. gotta study study study!
(i'm 99.3% sure i got an A on the exam i took on wednesday hehe.)
so i just filled in my schedule for october in my planner. definitely not as colorful as september. i even have 2 days off! one on the 10th because it's some holiday (columbus day?) for the kids, and the 25th... just because (except i have class at night).
i kinda liked being busy though. it made me feel important. and productive. and grown up. it took my mind off of useless stuff, ya know?
i want more hours now that i'm all used to it.
i think i'm gonna email my scheduling supervisor and ask for more hours........ i hope i'm not being dumb.
oh wow. it's already october.
Monday, September 26, 2011
loner
loner (n): a person who prefers not to associate with others
that's interesting, because i always thought loners couldn't help being by themselves because, well, they're.... loners.
when i think of the word "loner," i think of a stereotypical lunchtime scene in a movie where a bully and all of his little sidekick friends point at that one little nerd with headgear sitting in the corner table and yell, "AHHHHA~ look at that LONER over there~."
if one didn't know the meaning of the word, they'd think by context that it means someone who doesn't have any friends because they're not capable of making any -- either because of their geeky appearance or awkward personality. it's not like that poor little nerd doesn't want friends. i'm sure he does, because those kinda characters in movies end up prevailing in the end, with all these newfound friends to back them up.
i honestly don't know where exactly i'm going with this, but i just ate dinner with my mom, grandma, and her homie from 3rd floor and realized that these days, i'm the real definition of "loner" -- i prefer not to associate with anyone. i go on invisible more often than not on AIM, i don't really call my friends up just to talk, i don't really feel like talking when they call me, and if i feel like meeting up, it's because i wanna study with them more than to talk and laugh and be retarded with them.
i think it's my rag + i had a lab practicum last wednesday that i could've totally done better on + i have an exam tomorrow night (i don't know why i'm updating my blog right now) and i have to redeem myself + the i-just-wanna-focus-on-myself-right-now mentality.
digression:
my sister told me today that my cousin wants to set me up with her friend, who's studying law.
i don't think i could handle a lawyer husband who's 6 years older than me.
i don't think i could even handle thinking about dating.
i guess that's the loner side of me talking.
that's interesting, because i always thought loners couldn't help being by themselves because, well, they're.... loners.
when i think of the word "loner," i think of a stereotypical lunchtime scene in a movie where a bully and all of his little sidekick friends point at that one little nerd with headgear sitting in the corner table and yell, "AHHHHA~ look at that LONER over there~."
if one didn't know the meaning of the word, they'd think by context that it means someone who doesn't have any friends because they're not capable of making any -- either because of their geeky appearance or awkward personality. it's not like that poor little nerd doesn't want friends. i'm sure he does, because those kinda characters in movies end up prevailing in the end, with all these newfound friends to back them up.
i honestly don't know where exactly i'm going with this, but i just ate dinner with my mom, grandma, and her homie from 3rd floor and realized that these days, i'm the real definition of "loner" -- i prefer not to associate with anyone. i go on invisible more often than not on AIM, i don't really call my friends up just to talk, i don't really feel like talking when they call me, and if i feel like meeting up, it's because i wanna study with them more than to talk and laugh and be retarded with them.
i think it's my rag + i had a lab practicum last wednesday that i could've totally done better on + i have an exam tomorrow night (i don't know why i'm updating my blog right now) and i have to redeem myself + the i-just-wanna-focus-on-myself-right-now mentality.
digression:
my sister told me today that my cousin wants to set me up with her friend, who's studying law.
i don't think i could handle a lawyer husband who's 6 years older than me.
i don't think i could even handle thinking about dating.
i guess that's the loner side of me talking.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
post-exam rant
WHYYYYYY!!!!!
ok i know i focused too much on the skull/vertebral bones and not enough on the upper and lower limbs. that's my fault.
BUT I HATE THAT I GOT THE RIGHT ANSWER IN THE BEGINNING AND THEN FREAKING CHANGED IT!!!!
I DON'T WANT A B!!!!!!
i know this is only my first lab practicum and i seem like i'm being oba, but i'm not.
this should be the easiest one out of the 4. next one is on MUSCLES. ughhhhh! bones are way easier!
random, but not:
my lips have been extremely dry/peeling/flaky/cracked/swollen/painful since the day i came back from NY.
my eyes have been red around the bottom of my cornea since NY.
aka it's almost been 3 weeks. i'm hating this. when am i gonna NOT wear my glasses???
anyway
i have another exam next tuesday. this one is an actual written test. (today's was a lab practicum where there's stations of bones and i need to identify it or parts of it.)
I NEED AN A IN THIS CLASS!!!!!
i'm ONE UGLY MESS. i just wanna sleep and never wake up. (exaggeration)
ok i know i focused too much on the skull/vertebral bones and not enough on the upper and lower limbs. that's my fault.
BUT I HATE THAT I GOT THE RIGHT ANSWER IN THE BEGINNING AND THEN FREAKING CHANGED IT!!!!
I DON'T WANT A B!!!!!!
i know this is only my first lab practicum and i seem like i'm being oba, but i'm not.
this should be the easiest one out of the 4. next one is on MUSCLES. ughhhhh! bones are way easier!
random, but not:
my lips have been extremely dry/peeling/flaky/cracked/swollen/painful since the day i came back from NY.
my eyes have been red around the bottom of my cornea since NY.
aka it's almost been 3 weeks. i'm hating this. when am i gonna NOT wear my glasses???
anyway
i have another exam next tuesday. this one is an actual written test. (today's was a lab practicum where there's stations of bones and i need to identify it or parts of it.)
I NEED AN A IN THIS CLASS!!!!!
i'm ONE UGLY MESS. i just wanna sleep and never wake up. (exaggeration)
Sunday, September 18, 2011
9:07 randoms
i'm so exhausted (but who isn't nowadays?)
i babysat from 9am to 4pm yesterday, then hung out with a lot of old college friends for 2 of their birthdays, and then had to wake up early for missions report service our church had today.
i was in charge of rehearsal, so kay said 8:15am sharp.
i received a text asking if i was awake at 7:39am and i checked it at 7:59, which was when i woke up.
me: FREEEAAAKKK!!!
kay: haha 8:15
so i literally just brushed my teeth, put on some pants, packed my toiletries/makeup/clothes, and speedracer-ed it to church. i arrived exactlyyyy at 8:15 and only 3 (out of 14) ppl were there. typical.
like i've mentioned in the last post (i think...), my life consists of work, school, and church.
and then occasionally some catch-ups with friends.
hmm i just looked at a post from exactly a year ago and it was about my shigol trip, where i got 230984 bug bites on my legs from walking through tall grass.
what's on my legs now? mmm growing leg hair and a bruise/black scab from when my aunt's devildog attacked and bit me.
sad sad news though: he's now at an animal shelter. he's that brutal... but i'm sad for him :/ i wonder if he's still..... yeah.
oh, you know what? my urine was green the whole day saturday. like.... green-apple-fanta green. maybe it's from one of the vitamins i ate that morning, but i doubt it because i ate it before and it never really made my pee green. dehydration to a whole notha level? i really need to drink more water. i drink like... a cup a day.
SD kids are moving in this week. it's week 0 for them. holy crap i'm 5 years older than the incoming freshmen. i met some USC freshmen today at church and i felt so freaking old.
but apparently i don't look it. if you guys didn't see my facebook status about the pinkberry worker (how the heck did it get 53 likes......? i'm so confused), this is basically what happened:
him: so no school today?
me: oh no, i graduated
him: oh, so what college are you gonna go to?
me: oh no, i graduated college
him: oh. wow.
me: yeah i know.
turns out he was younger than me, because after i told him i came out of UCSD, he said his friends go there.
mom and grandma just came home from sauna. i really need to ddehmeeruh. i'm so gross. and when i do, it's probably gonna be like that one time i went after my cambodia trip in february, when i shed ERASERS, not eraser crumbs. so embarrassing.
hmm what's happening this week?
ooo i'm gonna be in a meeting at work with helen youn. that will be interesting.
i have my first lab practicum on wednesday. the professor is gonna lay out bones on the table and tell us to label specific parts of the bones. i'm 81% ready.
wanna see the study video i made for myself and my friend?
http://www.veoh.com/watch/v2137012284FyZ8k9
geez, i went from making videos about korea/SD to videos about.... bones. i'm sooooo fun.
ok 30 minutes is up. i'm tired. adios
i babysat from 9am to 4pm yesterday, then hung out with a lot of old college friends for 2 of their birthdays, and then had to wake up early for missions report service our church had today.
i was in charge of rehearsal, so kay said 8:15am sharp.
i received a text asking if i was awake at 7:39am and i checked it at 7:59, which was when i woke up.
me: FREEEAAAKKK!!!
kay: haha 8:15
so i literally just brushed my teeth, put on some pants, packed my toiletries/makeup/clothes, and speedracer-ed it to church. i arrived exactlyyyy at 8:15 and only 3 (out of 14) ppl were there. typical.
like i've mentioned in the last post (i think...), my life consists of work, school, and church.
and then occasionally some catch-ups with friends.
hmm i just looked at a post from exactly a year ago and it was about my shigol trip, where i got 230984 bug bites on my legs from walking through tall grass.
what's on my legs now? mmm growing leg hair and a bruise/black scab from when my aunt's devildog attacked and bit me.
sad sad news though: he's now at an animal shelter. he's that brutal... but i'm sad for him :/ i wonder if he's still..... yeah.
oh, you know what? my urine was green the whole day saturday. like.... green-apple-fanta green. maybe it's from one of the vitamins i ate that morning, but i doubt it because i ate it before and it never really made my pee green. dehydration to a whole notha level? i really need to drink more water. i drink like... a cup a day.
SD kids are moving in this week. it's week 0 for them. holy crap i'm 5 years older than the incoming freshmen. i met some USC freshmen today at church and i felt so freaking old.
but apparently i don't look it. if you guys didn't see my facebook status about the pinkberry worker (how the heck did it get 53 likes......? i'm so confused), this is basically what happened:
him: so no school today?
me: oh no, i graduated
him: oh, so what college are you gonna go to?
me: oh no, i graduated college
him: oh. wow.
me: yeah i know.
turns out he was younger than me, because after i told him i came out of UCSD, he said his friends go there.
mom and grandma just came home from sauna. i really need to ddehmeeruh. i'm so gross. and when i do, it's probably gonna be like that one time i went after my cambodia trip in february, when i shed ERASERS, not eraser crumbs. so embarrassing.
hmm what's happening this week?
ooo i'm gonna be in a meeting at work with helen youn. that will be interesting.
i have my first lab practicum on wednesday. the professor is gonna lay out bones on the table and tell us to label specific parts of the bones. i'm 81% ready.
wanna see the study video i made for myself and my friend?
http://www.veoh.com/watch/v2137012284FyZ8k9
geez, i went from making videos about korea/SD to videos about.... bones. i'm sooooo fun.
ok 30 minutes is up. i'm tired. adios
Monday, September 12, 2011
you need more of me
i rate today a 93%.
1. i finally wore my contacts after a week of wearing glasses. (but now my eyes are slightly red again freak)
2. i ate lunch and caught up with my SG daughter ann (if you're reading this, hi! <3)
i was so very encouraged and challenged by what God has been showing her throughout her time in Uganda and post-, as she shared about the importance of prayer. it definitely reminded me that i myself need to pray way more. i've honestly been really lacking in the prayer department these days. but, it's not that God needs our prayers in order to take action in our lives. rather, praying is a way of showing Him that we are nothing without Him. it is a means of communication with our Dad. and everyone knows that in a relationship, "communication is key." (amen, hallelujah.)
my life has been so much busier than before that i live moment by moment, relying on my own strength and talking to myself more than i do with God. i take this any further and i'm going to trip and fall. and then God's going to pick me back up, dust the dirt off my butt, and say, "Sarah, remember to hold my hand." (like i tell my kids all the time when we take walks outside.)
3. work went by pretty fast. it was the first time ever i wasn't hungry during a session. i would usually look super forward to snack time, but today, i couldn't even finish my orange juice. i was just too freaking full.
4. for dinner, i met up with sarah myung, helen, and ara and ate MARIO'S. and we had the time of our lives laughing like retards. it was a good time of catching up and joking around and having plain ol' fun.
we were talking about my nephew's first birthday and helen jokingly asked if she could sing for the party. ara added, "how about me? what should i do?" and helen said she should do some "spiritual dancing" on a pole, and started singing "change my heart O God~" while demonstrating what the dancing would look like. we DIED laughing for a good few minutes. but later i realized that the song itself kinda somehow applied to how i've been doing.
i've been praying for my heart to change throughout the past week, especially because i felt myself changing slowly. like i've mentioned before, living at home has been draining -- not because my mom is strict on me or anything, but just because of the fact that i've been away for nearly 5 years living with my friends slash alone and now i'm surrounded by family members who jansori and say ridiculous things that, for some frustratingly unknown reason, irks the h-e-double-blah blah out of me. plus, i have no personal space. i need my own room. all the stuff i brought back home from SD/korea are just laying around in random places. a few things are still in my trunk.
i like to blame my growing impatience and spiritual complacency on reasons like these, but i know it doesn't justify anything.
my unofficial mentor from harbor church gave me a book before i left SD called "Celebration of Discipline," after i expressed my fear of becoming lazy and complacent once i move back home. i opened the book yesterday. didn't even get through the first page because i was SOOO tired.
today as i was pulling out of the garage of one of my clients' apts and waving bye to the family, i thanked God for my job and then said, "God, I need more patience huh?"
No, my daughter, you need more of me.
truth.
1. i finally wore my contacts after a week of wearing glasses. (but now my eyes are slightly red again freak)
2. i ate lunch and caught up with my SG daughter ann (if you're reading this, hi! <3)
i was so very encouraged and challenged by what God has been showing her throughout her time in Uganda and post-, as she shared about the importance of prayer. it definitely reminded me that i myself need to pray way more. i've honestly been really lacking in the prayer department these days. but, it's not that God needs our prayers in order to take action in our lives. rather, praying is a way of showing Him that we are nothing without Him. it is a means of communication with our Dad. and everyone knows that in a relationship, "communication is key." (amen, hallelujah.)
my life has been so much busier than before that i live moment by moment, relying on my own strength and talking to myself more than i do with God. i take this any further and i'm going to trip and fall. and then God's going to pick me back up, dust the dirt off my butt, and say, "Sarah, remember to hold my hand." (like i tell my kids all the time when we take walks outside.)
3. work went by pretty fast. it was the first time ever i wasn't hungry during a session. i would usually look super forward to snack time, but today, i couldn't even finish my orange juice. i was just too freaking full.
4. for dinner, i met up with sarah myung, helen, and ara and ate MARIO'S. and we had the time of our lives laughing like retards. it was a good time of catching up and joking around and having plain ol' fun.
we were talking about my nephew's first birthday and helen jokingly asked if she could sing for the party. ara added, "how about me? what should i do?" and helen said she should do some "spiritual dancing" on a pole, and started singing "change my heart O God~" while demonstrating what the dancing would look like. we DIED laughing for a good few minutes. but later i realized that the song itself kinda somehow applied to how i've been doing.
i've been praying for my heart to change throughout the past week, especially because i felt myself changing slowly. like i've mentioned before, living at home has been draining -- not because my mom is strict on me or anything, but just because of the fact that i've been away for nearly 5 years living with my friends slash alone and now i'm surrounded by family members who jansori and say ridiculous things that, for some frustratingly unknown reason, irks the h-e-double-blah blah out of me. plus, i have no personal space. i need my own room. all the stuff i brought back home from SD/korea are just laying around in random places. a few things are still in my trunk.
i like to blame my growing impatience and spiritual complacency on reasons like these, but i know it doesn't justify anything.
my unofficial mentor from harbor church gave me a book before i left SD called "Celebration of Discipline," after i expressed my fear of becoming lazy and complacent once i move back home. i opened the book yesterday. didn't even get through the first page because i was SOOO tired.
today as i was pulling out of the garage of one of my clients' apts and waving bye to the family, i thanked God for my job and then said, "God, I need more patience huh?"
No, my daughter, you need more of me.
truth.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
day one
20 minutes until i have to go to work session #2. then straight to LACC for anatomy class til 10pm.
i came back from NY yesterday morning. almost missed my flight by 2 minutes.
it was a really packed & eventful trip. God totally made this happen because he knew this month's work/school schedule was going to turn me into a complete loner. thank you, God -- you're pretty funny.
anyway, i wanted to buy myself a "I <3 NY" shirt, and after passing a cart that was selling it for $4 and thinking i could possibly get a better deal, i got lazy and stopped looking/caring.
i will go back eventually (and hopefully stay longer) and not be lazy.
randomly ate dinner with some of the masterchef season 2 crew last night with jeanne, thanks to my cousin esther :)
slept at 11pm to wake up at 7am.
TBC.
---edit
i'm back
and i survived
except i sorta dozed off towards the end of lecture
but today was bearable
and i would like to thank the Man upstairs for it
:)
note: i realized i pretty much ate horsefood for dinner.
nuts, a few bbq chips, a cup of OJ, and half a bar of nature valley.
tomorrow's dinner menu? probably the same thing.
gnite @ 11:32 pm. it's past my bedtime..........
i came back from NY yesterday morning. almost missed my flight by 2 minutes.
it was a really packed & eventful trip. God totally made this happen because he knew this month's work/school schedule was going to turn me into a complete loner. thank you, God -- you're pretty funny.
anyway, i wanted to buy myself a "I <3 NY" shirt, and after passing a cart that was selling it for $4 and thinking i could possibly get a better deal, i got lazy and stopped looking/caring.
i will go back eventually (and hopefully stay longer) and not be lazy.
randomly ate dinner with some of the masterchef season 2 crew last night with jeanne, thanks to my cousin esther :)
slept at 11pm to wake up at 7am.
TBC.
---edit
i'm back
and i survived
except i sorta dozed off towards the end of lecture
but today was bearable
and i would like to thank the Man upstairs for it
:)
note: i realized i pretty much ate horsefood for dinner.
nuts, a few bbq chips, a cup of OJ, and half a bar of nature valley.
tomorrow's dinner menu? probably the same thing.
gnite @ 11:32 pm. it's past my bedtime..........
Thursday, September 1, 2011
community college
i never thought i'd step foot on the LACC campus. ever.
i always drove by it ever since i was in middle school, since it was on the way to and from school.
anyway, this may sound jjom....... ahh whatevs.
there are many. many. scary ppl on this campus. i mean, it's expected. it's in a ghetto area of LA.
but shoot. it's ESSE/HOMIE/SHANIQUA/CHOLA CENTRAL.
ok that's as far as i will go.
parking in the LACC lot/driving around in that neighborhood is WORSE THAN THE LA JOLLA RALPHS PARKING LOT x 2034209384. i almost got scratched by at least 15 cars today because the parking spaces are too narrow + the neighborhood streets are too narrow + there are cars parked all along the sides of the sidewalks + it's LA driving come on. I HATE IT.
moving on. (8/31/11)
a few things to note:
1. in my back-up class -- "art appreciation" -- there was a middle-aged man sitting in the way front who just got out of jail. i know this because when the professor asked everyone whether they had a computer at home to use, he was the only one who didn't raise his hand. then, he said, "professor, may i say something? i'm going to be completely honest -- i was away for 6 years and i don't know how to use a computer. i don't have an email either."
and yes, people just had to laugh. not even heehee to themselves, but actually laugh loud enough to hear from all over the room. so disrespectful. he seemed discouraged... i mean, by the way this clean-shaven man was sitting in the front, all ready with a notebook, i could tell he was ready to pick himself back up and change his life.
i was so sad, i started imagining myself befriending him, helping him study for this class, and eventually evangelizing to him -- kinda like those movies where a girl somehow positively impacts an old man's life so much that he becomes a better person. (am i describing a non-existent type of movie?)
... then i started imagining myself getting kidnapped and robbed, and i got scared.
oh well.
2. after going to 4 different anatomy classes and being turned away, I FINALLY GOT IN!!!! the professor told all the non-registered students to choose a number between 1-100. he chose 54, i chose 67. :) tuesday was SERIOUSLY hell, but it was all worth it in the end.
so now i have class on tuesdays/wednesdays 6:50-10pm. i'm gonna die, but it's ok. i'm soooo thankful.
what else....
oh yeah today was the most frustrating day of my life.
exaggeration.
i felt like i was pms-ing, even though i ended almost 2 weeks ago.
maybe i'll expand on this next time, when i calm down and have nothing else to write.
(not about pms, duh)
one more day of work and i'm off to the opposite side of the country. b&w.
i always drove by it ever since i was in middle school, since it was on the way to and from school.
anyway, this may sound jjom....... ahh whatevs.
there are many. many. scary ppl on this campus. i mean, it's expected. it's in a ghetto area of LA.
but shoot. it's ESSE/HOMIE/SHANIQUA/CHOLA CENTRAL.
ok that's as far as i will go.
parking in the LACC lot/driving around in that neighborhood is WORSE THAN THE LA JOLLA RALPHS PARKING LOT x 2034209384. i almost got scratched by at least 15 cars today because the parking spaces are too narrow + the neighborhood streets are too narrow + there are cars parked all along the sides of the sidewalks + it's LA driving come on. I HATE IT.
moving on. (8/31/11)
a few things to note:
1. in my back-up class -- "art appreciation" -- there was a middle-aged man sitting in the way front who just got out of jail. i know this because when the professor asked everyone whether they had a computer at home to use, he was the only one who didn't raise his hand. then, he said, "professor, may i say something? i'm going to be completely honest -- i was away for 6 years and i don't know how to use a computer. i don't have an email either."
and yes, people just had to laugh. not even heehee to themselves, but actually laugh loud enough to hear from all over the room. so disrespectful. he seemed discouraged... i mean, by the way this clean-shaven man was sitting in the front, all ready with a notebook, i could tell he was ready to pick himself back up and change his life.
i was so sad, i started imagining myself befriending him, helping him study for this class, and eventually evangelizing to him -- kinda like those movies where a girl somehow positively impacts an old man's life so much that he becomes a better person. (am i describing a non-existent type of movie?)
... then i started imagining myself getting kidnapped and robbed, and i got scared.
oh well.
2. after going to 4 different anatomy classes and being turned away, I FINALLY GOT IN!!!! the professor told all the non-registered students to choose a number between 1-100. he chose 54, i chose 67. :) tuesday was SERIOUSLY hell, but it was all worth it in the end.
so now i have class on tuesdays/wednesdays 6:50-10pm. i'm gonna die, but it's ok. i'm soooo thankful.
what else....
oh yeah today was the most frustrating day of my life.
exaggeration.
i felt like i was pms-ing, even though i ended almost 2 weeks ago.
maybe i'll expand on this next time, when i calm down and have nothing else to write.
(not about pms, duh)
one more day of work and i'm off to the opposite side of the country. b&w.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
God's Riches At Christ's Expense
so i'm at my church's women's retreat right now in moreno valley (it's only 9:31 am and it's already 89 degrees........... 105 high. freak) and guess what.
i'm stuck in my hotel room because i have food poisoning.
i'm guessing i got it from the runny scrambled eggs i ate at IHOP yesterday for lunch, which probably got triggered by the pinkberry i got for dinner before driving 2 hours to get here.
but man, last night was the worst night of 2011 for sure. i threw up so much (half the tub was covered) and so violently that i scared myself because i sounded like a total 귀신 or like... a zombie who just got stabbed. mmm... not the best descriptions....
right now i'm waiting to vchat with ara, who's downstairs with all the other women. i'm guessing they're doing praise right now.
so our retreat theme is "graceful women." i needed this because i feel like ever since i moved back home, i have become such a moody person - mostly to my family members. i complain a lot, snap back, show attitude, get annoyed easily... it's a big ugly sin that i'm aware of. it's just, i become selfish and think of myself as more important than my family members.
family should come first before ministry.
(sorry, i'm typing as i'm listening in. i'm not a good multi-tasker haha)
"we need to grow in the knowledge of God's grace so that we gain better perspective on our true identity."
my ugliness, weaknesses, and failures are fully covered by God's grace through Jesus Christ.
i am nothing, and He is everything. i need Him.
i'm stuck in my hotel room because i have food poisoning.
i'm guessing i got it from the runny scrambled eggs i ate at IHOP yesterday for lunch, which probably got triggered by the pinkberry i got for dinner before driving 2 hours to get here.
but man, last night was the worst night of 2011 for sure. i threw up so much (half the tub was covered) and so violently that i scared myself because i sounded like a total 귀신 or like... a zombie who just got stabbed. mmm... not the best descriptions....
right now i'm waiting to vchat with ara, who's downstairs with all the other women. i'm guessing they're doing praise right now.
so our retreat theme is "graceful women." i needed this because i feel like ever since i moved back home, i have become such a moody person - mostly to my family members. i complain a lot, snap back, show attitude, get annoyed easily... it's a big ugly sin that i'm aware of. it's just, i become selfish and think of myself as more important than my family members.
family should come first before ministry.
(sorry, i'm typing as i'm listening in. i'm not a good multi-tasker haha)
"we need to grow in the knowledge of God's grace so that we gain better perspective on our true identity."
my ugliness, weaknesses, and failures are fully covered by God's grace through Jesus Christ.
i am nothing, and He is everything. i need Him.
Friday, August 19, 2011
notice anything new?
i've been asked whyyy i don't change the title of my blog (since i'm obviously not in korea anymore) for a while now, so there you go. i did it.
i get asked that question a lot, so i thought it was fitting. :)
so i just randomly went through some of my old blog entries from october and november, and man. i went through some tough stuff. it's crazy how your own blog entries can dig up old emotions and make you feel a certain way.
anyway...
i have a full day today. i woke up early in the morning to eat breakfast at denny's (which is a block away) with my mother, aunt, grandma, and the fob unni because she's leaving for korea at 1pm. i should've gone back to sleep after i came home, but i didn't, fearing that indestructible lard would form and dwell all over my body. i have work from 2-5:30 (remember, i work with kids 1:1 5-6 days a week) and then babysitting for my church pastor from 7-11:30 pm in pasadena. and then tomorrow morning i have to go to torrance by 9am to babysit my nephews til 4-ish.
my life is consumed by kids. i feel like a catlady or something (just not with cats).
but yeah. this is how life is for me. for now.
i get asked that question a lot, so i thought it was fitting. :)
so i just randomly went through some of my old blog entries from october and november, and man. i went through some tough stuff. it's crazy how your own blog entries can dig up old emotions and make you feel a certain way.
anyway...
i have a full day today. i woke up early in the morning to eat breakfast at denny's (which is a block away) with my mother, aunt, grandma, and the fob unni because she's leaving for korea at 1pm. i should've gone back to sleep after i came home, but i didn't, fearing that indestructible lard would form and dwell all over my body. i have work from 2-5:30 (remember, i work with kids 1:1 5-6 days a week) and then babysitting for my church pastor from 7-11:30 pm in pasadena. and then tomorrow morning i have to go to torrance by 9am to babysit my nephews til 4-ish.
my life is consumed by kids. i feel like a catlady or something (just not with cats).
but yeah. this is how life is for me. for now.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
yesterday was great.
i went to disneyland yesterday from 12:30 pm to 10:30 pm. i probably walked more yesterday than i did the past 2 weeks or so. my legs were seriously giving up on me at around 10-ish and i didn't know how i was gonna drive home.
but i got home safely. i guess it wasn't my time to go yet.
the day was almost perfect. the longest i waited in line was 40 minutes. i got to eat a mickey mouse ice cream bar when it was scorching hot. i rode 7 rides, thanks to fastpass. i got the highest accuracy percentage i've ever gotten on the toy story mania ride (ok this one just sounds too nerdy). i got to watch fireworks as i was walking to downtown disney. i got a free keychain. and most of all, i got to watch world of colorrrr! (so many freaking "got"s, what the heck. sorry.)
this almost-perfect day was spent with....... a fob unni that i barely know. she's my ballin scary aunt's guest from korea and i was given $300 to take her to disneyland. i got tickets for 65 each and spent about 80 for the both of us at the park, sooooo in the end, i came up $100 :) so despite the fact that i went to the happiest place on earth (or rather, the most romantic place on earth -- i would totally not mind getting proposed to there) with a stranger that only talked when i asked her questions, yesterday was great.
... but that was yesterday.
today, from literally an hour after i woke up to just 15 minutes ago (11:40), i was in 4 different types of physical pain - leg/foot pain (i rate it a 6), back pain (8.5), cramping (8), and the gassy someone's-stabbing-me-in-the-stomach-with-a-needle pain (9.8).
i was driving to work while all of this was in effect and i wanted to pass out. jesus literally needed to take the wheel.
and now i am sniffling away because of a runny nose, probably from being drizzled on by World of Color at night time. my body went buckwild on me today.
tomorrow's day 2 of womanpain (aka worst day ever) and if i still have the runny nose, i'm not gonna be able to go to work.
great, i feel an onset of back pain pt. 2. yesssss.
but i got home safely. i guess it wasn't my time to go yet.
the day was almost perfect. the longest i waited in line was 40 minutes. i got to eat a mickey mouse ice cream bar when it was scorching hot. i rode 7 rides, thanks to fastpass. i got the highest accuracy percentage i've ever gotten on the toy story mania ride (ok this one just sounds too nerdy). i got to watch fireworks as i was walking to downtown disney. i got a free keychain. and most of all, i got to watch world of colorrrr! (so many freaking "got"s, what the heck. sorry.)
this almost-perfect day was spent with....... a fob unni that i barely know. she's my ballin scary aunt's guest from korea and i was given $300 to take her to disneyland. i got tickets for 65 each and spent about 80 for the both of us at the park, sooooo in the end, i came up $100 :) so despite the fact that i went to the happiest place on earth (or rather, the most romantic place on earth -- i would totally not mind getting proposed to there) with a stranger that only talked when i asked her questions, yesterday was great.
... but that was yesterday.
today, from literally an hour after i woke up to just 15 minutes ago (11:40), i was in 4 different types of physical pain - leg/foot pain (i rate it a 6), back pain (8.5), cramping (8), and the gassy someone's-stabbing-me-in-the-stomach-with-a-needle pain (9.8).
i was driving to work while all of this was in effect and i wanted to pass out. jesus literally needed to take the wheel.
and now i am sniffling away because of a runny nose, probably from being drizzled on by World of Color at night time. my body went buckwild on me today.
tomorrow's day 2 of womanpain (aka worst day ever) and if i still have the runny nose, i'm not gonna be able to go to work.
great, i feel an onset of back pain pt. 2. yesssss.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
yay august
july was by far the DULLEST month of my life.
with some exaggeration.
no but really. it was so so dull. so very dull. dull dull dull.
all i did was wake up, eat, chill, go to work, come home, eat, chill.
occasionally meet up with someone for dinner.
bible study every thursday.
babysit on saturdays.
i guess it's because everyone was away for something - vacation, missions, summer school, etc.
but!
it's almost halfway through august (already? what the freak) and it looks pretty promising!
things to look forward to:
*11th (thurs) - dockweiler beach with my young adults bible study group
*14th (sun) - disneyland after church!
my keun eemo (aka scary/ballin aunt from busan that gave me those puffy thick shoes back in september)...
... has been back from korea and she has a guest over at our house for 10 days. i have to take her around, but yay i get to have fun while i'm at it anddd probably keep the leftover moneys.
*15th (mon) - citywalk after work! and maybe the grove before
*sometime that week - hollywood / sunset strip / rodeo drive?
*25th (thursday) - my loves jeanne and stella return from korea forever!
*26th-27th (friday) - women's retreat! last year, i heard that they had "reflection: nails" on their agenda. everyone thought "ooo.... we're gonna reflect on the nails on the cross" but it was really.... doing their nails. HAHA so smart
*29th (mon) - school................ hopefullyyyy i get into anatomy. or AT LEAST acrylic painting.
and then.....
NEW YORK. woohoooo.
ok tomorrow is pretty packed for me. dang it i wore my work out clothes thinking it'll motivate me later to go downstairs and work out but... it's so not.
good... night...?
with some exaggeration.
no but really. it was so so dull. so very dull. dull dull dull.
all i did was wake up, eat, chill, go to work, come home, eat, chill.
occasionally meet up with someone for dinner.
bible study every thursday.
babysit on saturdays.
i guess it's because everyone was away for something - vacation, missions, summer school, etc.
but!
it's almost halfway through august (already? what the freak) and it looks pretty promising!
things to look forward to:
*11th (thurs) - dockweiler beach with my young adults bible study group
*14th (sun) - disneyland after church!
my keun eemo (aka scary/ballin aunt from busan that gave me those puffy thick shoes back in september)...
... has been back from korea and she has a guest over at our house for 10 days. i have to take her around, but yay i get to have fun while i'm at it anddd probably keep the leftover moneys.
*15th (mon) - citywalk after work! and maybe the grove before
*sometime that week - hollywood / sunset strip / rodeo drive?
*25th (thursday) - my loves jeanne and stella return from korea forever!
*26th-27th (friday) - women's retreat! last year, i heard that they had "reflection: nails" on their agenda. everyone thought "ooo.... we're gonna reflect on the nails on the cross" but it was really.... doing their nails. HAHA so smart
*29th (mon) - school................ hopefullyyyy i get into anatomy. or AT LEAST acrylic painting.
and then.....
NEW YORK. woohoooo.
ok tomorrow is pretty packed for me. dang it i wore my work out clothes thinking it'll motivate me later to go downstairs and work out but... it's so not.
good... night...?
Thursday, August 4, 2011
so unlike me
guess where i'm going during labor day weekend?????
NEW EFFIN' YORK, my friends.
NEW EFFIN' YORK, my friends.
shoutout to sharonda, the owner of that shirt
so i've wanted to go ever since my cousin eunice got a job at Food&Wine magazine as events coordinator and moved to NY (before, i never had the desire to go. chaos and crowded places are not really my thang.) (omg my mom and grandma are sleeptalking to each other right now.)
anyway, last night as i was doing the usual scroll-down on my facebook newsfeed, i read my cousin's friend's status saying she just booked a flight to go visit her and i was like LUCKYYY~ ... you know, as some people would normally think when someone gets to go traveling.
she said, "COME COME!!" and i immediately thought "pshh.... chyeah right. i'm a working wom---..... wait. so is she.
so after realizing she's going during labor day weekend, i ctrl+T-ed away, searched for the cheapest tickets, and.... yay!
i called my cousin today after work and told her i'm coming and she couldn't believe it. "SARAH KU?? COMING TO NEW YORK?? you're the last person i imagined coming to NY!"
like i said in my "omg i'm going to cambodia!!!" post, i'm not a spontaneous person at all. i don't do things like this. i always wish to do something bold and out of the ordinary, but it never happens because i'm too lazy and comfortable. yeah, going to NY isn't bold and out of the ordinary, but for me it is. i made a decision on such short notice, which is making me kinda sorta anxious right now because i have to get the friday off from work and i haven't gotten approval yet... annddd i have to start saving up money. freak.
anyway, yeah, just a little secret that i guess only my blog-readers will know about for now.
[thus, my ambiguous status about labor day weekend and "booked" :)]
sidenote: it's been a year and 2 days since the day i left for korea. wow. already.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
my idol
living back at home is more of a pain than a blessing, to be completely and brutally honest.
the frustration from waking up to loud and unnecessary bickers exchanged between older family members in the morning, to hearing 잔소리 from any one of them during the day (even the caring...(?) kinds), to being asked if i ate dinner [when i ate with or in front of her] -slash- "why aren't you all sleeping?? it's already ___ o' clock" every. single. night. by my 88-year-old grandmother....
... is weighing down my soul.
it is turning me into a bitter, loveless human being with an attitude problem.
i know what i need to do. i need to die to myself. i need to actively philippians 2:3 it up. i need to constantly remind myself that i am blessed and that i'm only living by the grace of God.
but the god of convenience tells me to just chill. do whatever's favorable to me. talk to my family members in whatever tone i want. (i hate aegyo or even sounding "chirpy." too much effort.)
if you think about it, every sin committed is stemmed from idolatry.
in my situation, i'm worshipping the wrong god: convenience or... well -- me. i'm more important than my family members. my comforts, my wants, my ways are more significant than those of the adults i live with.
there is obviously something wrong here. here i am, a christian who firmly believes in the Gospel message and am humbled by the saving grace that allows me to live a life of freedom in Christ, yet my lifestyle often portrays otherwise. it shows so apparently (at least to me) that i am cheapening the cost of Christ's sacrifice for us. I'M HORRIBLE!
knowledge is nothing without action.
like i said, i know what i need to do. i need to die to myself. i need to actively philippians 2:3 it up. i need to constantly remind myself that i am blessed and that i'm only living by the grace of God, that our existence is for His glory alone.
now to put it into action.....
the frustration from waking up to loud and unnecessary bickers exchanged between older family members in the morning, to hearing 잔소리 from any one of them during the day (even the caring...(?) kinds), to being asked if i ate dinner [when i ate with or in front of her] -slash- "why aren't you all sleeping?? it's already ___ o' clock" every. single. night. by my 88-year-old grandmother....
*reminder for my grandmother: "i ate dinner with sarah at 8 o' clock."
it is turning me into a bitter, loveless human being with an attitude problem.
i know what i need to do. i need to die to myself. i need to actively philippians 2:3 it up. i need to constantly remind myself that i am blessed and that i'm only living by the grace of God.
but the god of convenience tells me to just chill. do whatever's favorable to me. talk to my family members in whatever tone i want. (i hate aegyo or even sounding "chirpy." too much effort.)
if you think about it, every sin committed is stemmed from idolatry.
in my situation, i'm worshipping the wrong god: convenience or... well -- me. i'm more important than my family members. my comforts, my wants, my ways are more significant than those of the adults i live with.
there is obviously something wrong here. here i am, a christian who firmly believes in the Gospel message and am humbled by the saving grace that allows me to live a life of freedom in Christ, yet my lifestyle often portrays otherwise. it shows so apparently (at least to me) that i am cheapening the cost of Christ's sacrifice for us. I'M HORRIBLE!
knowledge is nothing without action.
like i said, i know what i need to do. i need to die to myself. i need to actively philippians 2:3 it up. i need to constantly remind myself that i am blessed and that i'm only living by the grace of God, that our existence is for His glory alone.
now to put it into action.....
Sunday, July 24, 2011
consumed
i've been consumed by many things lately - physically and mentally - which is why i've been lazy to keep up with this blog.
ok maybe if i list it out, it won't seem like much.
1. church
2. work
3. painting prep - i got an order for a 16x20in lion king painting
4. bracelet&necklace orders / where-the-hail-do-i-find-necklace-supplies-here-in-LA
5. worries about whether or not i'd be able to get into an anatomy class anywhere for fall semester (<-- weird)
6. arts and crafts (not the stewpid kiddy kinds, but the legit martha-stewart-type DIY types & more. hehe.)
7. worries about when the hail i'd have time to volunteer at a hospital and complete my hours
8. S&BIL stuff. ughhhhh.
ok, like i said before, i'm a worry wart.
today's sermon at church talked about how ~82% percent of average people's worries are things they can't really control or things that are totally unnecessary to worry about.
that's probably me.
anyway, as you can see, my priorities aren't straight. this week, i'm going to start making it a habit to have the bible be the first thing i grab in the morning when i wake up (other than my phone to check what time it is.)
oh yeah, so a quick update on the GAME SHOW. lol.
thursday afternoon, as i was finishing up my session at one of my kids' homes, my phone rang. i obviously couldn't pick it up so i let it go to voicemail. as i was leaving the building to go to my car, i eagerly checked my voicemail anddddd....
it was matt, the casting director!
..... wait huh? something something mix of american idol, wipe out, and wuh? what is he talking about.
*replay voicemail*
.... oh. he was asking if i or sonia wanted to audition for another game show pilot. this time, it's about teams of 3 singing while doing physical tasks. uhh.... so the whole point of the show is to sing well without being distracted? STEEWWWPIDDD. NO, i do not want to audition.
i deleted the voicemail, scoffing to myself. but wait. what happened to "secret fortune"??
by then, it was too late to call him back because he had left a separate number to reach from the one he called with..... and i deleted it.
so yeah, all i can do now is hope that the pilot for "secret fortune" passes and we get called back for an actual episode. i knew they wouldn't use 2 little asian girls for the pilot. dumb.
i get my first paycheck in the mail tomorrow. hallelujah, praise the Lordddd
i need to buy myself some shorts and comfortable, loose clothing. aka period clothes. but not for my period. well maybe it'll be convenient when the time comes. but anyway, i need them for work because i need to dress comfortably in order to run around and play with the kids. so far i've been wearing skinny jeans to work in freaking 80+ degree weather. not so fun.
my shorts are in korea. or actually, i don't know.
when my mom visited my dad&i in september 2010, i gave a lot of my summer clothes to her to take back home, and when i came back and asked her for them, she had no idea where she put it. i tell you, she deserves a prize for "worst person to give your stuff to for storage" or "best person to give your stuff to if you want it to get lost". yay mom.
ok maybe if i list it out, it won't seem like much.
1. church
2. work
3. painting prep - i got an order for a 16x20in lion king painting
4. bracelet&necklace orders / where-the-hail-do-i-find-necklace-supplies-here-in-LA
5. worries about whether or not i'd be able to get into an anatomy class anywhere for fall semester (<-- weird)
6. arts and crafts (not the stewpid kiddy kinds, but the legit martha-stewart-type DIY types & more. hehe.)
7. worries about when the hail i'd have time to volunteer at a hospital and complete my hours
8. S&BIL stuff. ughhhhh.
ok, like i said before, i'm a worry wart.
today's sermon at church talked about how ~82% percent of average people's worries are things they can't really control or things that are totally unnecessary to worry about.
that's probably me.
anyway, as you can see, my priorities aren't straight. this week, i'm going to start making it a habit to have the bible be the first thing i grab in the morning when i wake up (other than my phone to check what time it is.)
oh yeah, so a quick update on the GAME SHOW. lol.
thursday afternoon, as i was finishing up my session at one of my kids' homes, my phone rang. i obviously couldn't pick it up so i let it go to voicemail. as i was leaving the building to go to my car, i eagerly checked my voicemail anddddd....
it was matt, the casting director!
..... wait huh? something something mix of american idol, wipe out, and wuh? what is he talking about.
*replay voicemail*
.... oh. he was asking if i or sonia wanted to audition for another game show pilot. this time, it's about teams of 3 singing while doing physical tasks. uhh.... so the whole point of the show is to sing well without being distracted? STEEWWWPIDDD. NO, i do not want to audition.
i deleted the voicemail, scoffing to myself. but wait. what happened to "secret fortune"??
by then, it was too late to call him back because he had left a separate number to reach from the one he called with..... and i deleted it.
so yeah, all i can do now is hope that the pilot for "secret fortune" passes and we get called back for an actual episode. i knew they wouldn't use 2 little asian girls for the pilot. dumb.
i get my first paycheck in the mail tomorrow. hallelujah, praise the Lordddd
i need to buy myself some shorts and comfortable, loose clothing. aka period clothes. but not for my period. well maybe it'll be convenient when the time comes. but anyway, i need them for work because i need to dress comfortably in order to run around and play with the kids. so far i've been wearing skinny jeans to work in freaking 80+ degree weather. not so fun.
my shorts are in korea. or actually, i don't know.
when my mom visited my dad&i in september 2010, i gave a lot of my summer clothes to her to take back home, and when i came back and asked her for them, she had no idea where she put it. i tell you, she deserves a prize for "worst person to give your stuff to for storage" or "best person to give your stuff to if you want it to get lost". yay mom.
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