winter break

so i'm officially done with anatomy!
but it doesn't feel any different.........
i came out of the final so confused as to whether or not i did well. (i needed a low B to maintain my A.)
i started studying for my final 2 nights before, and decided to rewrite everything.... the day before. i'm so dumb.
after my final, i came home and literally went through all 20 lecture notes to highlight everything that came out on the test. i only found 75 out of 80 though...........
yeah, i'm that kinda person.

i can't believe 16 weeks whizzed by like THIS.
winter break?!?
no.
i have grad school apps to turn in by the beginning of january, and i'm running into so many problems with transcript stuff. i'm STRESSED.

i hate how my life right is so unstable. everything is up in the air and nothing is certain. it just makes me wanna sleep and never wake up. or to understate what i just said -- i just wanna fast forward to when i'm 26, which is probably when i'll be done with school forever. BLAH

i've been dreaming about something pretty consistently lately. i wish i wasn't. it's really annoying. stupid subconscience.

oh yeah, christmas is coming up in about a week huh? (sorry, Jesus)
like my birthday, holidays are becoming less and less important to me every year. the christmas season is losing its true meaning. might as well call christmas "consumeristmas."

that reminds me...
last year when i was in korea (holy shiz), paris baguette's theme was "you are not alone." are you kidding me? and i'm pretty sure it had nothing to do with "you aren't alone because God's with you and loves you so much He sent His son on 'december 25th' (not really but...) for YOU!"
it was probably - "it's ok if you don't have a lover this christmas season, because you still have us [paris baguette] to satisfy your loneliness and inner suffering with carbs and fat and songs that tell you you're not alone!"

i'm not kidding, when i was chillin at PB for about 2 hours, they replayed the song "you are not alone" over and over. i don't know man, i don't think it makes a person less lonely when the word "alone" is rubbed into your face. (random but relevant fact: korea also plays "home alone" on TV all day.)
anyway, that was soooo last year.

gosh, i remember throughout middle and high school, stella and i would get super duper excited to go christmas shopping. one time, she even brought her tape recorder to record herself listing all the people she's going to get presents for, the budget for each person, and the possible gift ideas. HAHA oba or wuhhh. (i think she still has the recording somewhere in her house.)
that same year, we went to the mall and got each other gifts. the same pj pants. we literally got each other's sizes (we were the same size), went up to the cash register, paid for it, and gave it to each other.

dumb and dumber or wuhhh.

anyway, that's what it is. christmas consumerism. and sadly, it's gonna be like that for the rest of our lives...
but i'd like to do something about it one day.

i can't wait for homeless outreach part dos. christmas eve -- it's set.