my idol

living back at home is more of a pain than a blessing, to be completely and brutally honest.

the frustration from waking up to loud and unnecessary bickers exchanged between older family members in the morning, to hearing 잔소리 from any one of them during the day (even the caring...(?) kinds), to being asked if i ate dinner [when i ate with or in front of her] -slash- "why aren't you all sleeping?? it's already ___ o' clock" every. single. night. by my 88-year-old grandmother....

*reminder for my grandmother: "i ate dinner with sarah at 8 o' clock."

... is weighing down my soul.
it is turning me into a bitter, loveless human being with an attitude problem.
i know what i need to do. i need to die to myself. i need to actively philippians 2:3 it up. i need to constantly remind myself that i am blessed and that i'm only living by the grace of God.
but the god of convenience tells me to just chill. do whatever's favorable to me. talk to my family members in whatever tone i want. (i hate aegyo or even sounding "chirpy." too much effort.)

if you think about it, every sin committed is stemmed from idolatry.
in my situation, i'm worshipping the wrong god: convenience or... well -- me. i'm more important than my family members. my comforts, my wants, my ways are more significant than those of the adults i live with.

there is obviously something wrong here. here i am, a christian who firmly believes in the Gospel message and am humbled by the saving grace that allows me to live a life of freedom in Christ, yet my lifestyle often portrays otherwise. it shows so apparently (at least to me) that i am cheapening the cost of Christ's sacrifice for us. I'M HORRIBLE!

knowledge is nothing without action.

like i said, i know what i need to do. i need to die to myself. i need to actively philippians 2:3 it up. i need to constantly remind myself that i am blessed and that i'm only living by the grace of God, that our existence is for His glory alone.

now to put it into action.....