who knows.

i've been hearing different versions of this from people a lot lately (all at different, random times) and it's been bouncing around in my mind.
"dream big. don't restrict yourself. explore and keep your options open. take risks and do what you love. use the talents and the resources God's given you."

ever since i started making bracelets & necklaces and painting for people after i got back from korea, people have been asking if i was ditching my pursuit of occupational therapy to go into art.
"heck no, i ain't that dumb." -me


i'm excited to start work tomorrow. God has provided me with a job!
while i was in SD, after realizing that i needed to take a year off and save up some money, i fervently began searching for jobs online -- anywhere from admin to teaching (to even game show auditioning lol). ideally, i wanted to work somewhere that related to OT so that i can get more experience and look at least decent on my grad school application. my GPA just barely peeks over the minimum and the GRE.... well... i guess i didn't write on this, but i was supposed to take it 2 saturdays ago, but BY GOD'S DIVINE INTERVENTION there was a power outage and everyone scheduled to take their test on that day had to reschedule. (next date: july 16. God, have mercy on me. everyone else, please pray that God has mercy on me.) yeah, i'm not so great at taking standardized tests. really. the thought of taking a harder version of the SATs makes me want to barf.... and then barf again.

after venting to tina via email about how my hope in my future was dwindling, she told me about her friend's job in SD, which consisted of working with children with autism 1:1 at their homes, and that there was an LA branch. i applied for that place first, and then started researching and applying to a whole bunch of other similar jobs. i only heard back from 3 places: 1. Lovaas Institute (referred to by tina), which said they're still determining hiring needs for july, 2. ABA Bears, which after a phone interview and a "please think about it and get back to us soon", never replied back to my emails or voicemails (how rude), and 3. CBsomething-something, which i went to an interview for, but was a little too far, required a little too much out of me, and compensated nothing for mileage.

my #1 choice was Lovaas because of what tina told me about it + paid orientation + $0.44 for every mile that i drive + it's closest to home. however, they weren't being too responsive and when they finally did respond, they told me they recently changed their rule to "All applicants HAVE to have a bachelor's degree." i still have 3 units left. GREAT.

long story short, the hiring director called after i reminded them of my interest and really wanted me to come in for an interview, even though i was technically not eligible. i went in, had a good interview, and got a call the next day while at staples preparing stuff for my college ministry retreat that i got the job. oh man, i thought i wasn't going to get it, BUT GOD IS GOOD! wow. i'm still so amazed.

so where does that quote i wrote out in the beginning fit into all of this.
... sorry, i'm starting to forget.
mmm let me just keep typing first and see if it starts to come together. dang i suck at writing. (i'm seriously so scared for the analytical writing portion of the GRE.)

recently, all these different doors have been opening and i'm not so sure what my absolute route in life is anymore. who knows, what if i enjoy my job so much that i switch to doing behavior therapy for the rest of my life, just like the clinical supervisor who interviewed me? what if i end up investing my time, money, and effort into making my hobby become an actual business opportunity? what if i end up becoming a very involved distributor for a highly popular and growing product and make millions in a few years? what if sonia and i end up on the game show, win some huge cash moneys, find awesome husbands, and don't have to work for the rest of our lives? what if i have to resort to being an extra on as many tv shows/movies as possible to make some sort of a living? or what if i am called to celibacy and end up living with a bunch of dogs til i'm old and decaying? who knows.

i've been learning the cliche, yet oh-so-true idea that life is unpredictable. you cannot declare something about the future because only He knows. and i guess what i'm also trying to say is, we shouldn't lose hope. God has some sort of plan for us, and it is perfect because He is perfect.

but remember, our life is not our own.

i think doing what we are good at/love to do, which is God-granted, naturally makes us do our best at it.
the only way to find that out, if we don't already know it, is to take risks and enter those open doors with an open heart, knowing that God has placed them in front of us for a reason -- to, in the end, SOLELY glorify Him with what He's given us, to magnify HIM and make HIM look great by all that we do.

"A man's chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy Him forever." -the Westminster Shorter Catechism
whatever we become in life, this is our chief end.
so let's just focus on that.