goodbye and hello

Goodbye, 2012
Each year, at this time, I step forward with hesitation. I don't know when it started, but I tend to step into almost everything with low expectations. You might think it's not bad, but I kind of dislike that about myself. It sort of means that I doubt the possibility of whatever I participate in to be great. I don't know,  like a Debbie Downer.

Anyway, I began 2012 thinking it was going to be whatevs. At this same time last year, I was living at home in LA, serving at church, working at Lovaas as a behavioral interventionist for children with autism, about to start Physiology at LACC, and eagerly waiting to hear back from Loma Linda for an interview. I was itching to get out of the house (with my aunt nagging the whole world and my grandma needing supervision all the time), and for some reason I had a feeling that God was going to humble me by giving me yet another year of "rest". The rest I really didn't want.

He indeed humbled me -- by doing the opposite. He let me out of the claustrophobic room labeled "Uncertainty" and allowed me to finally enter the door to my future. Now, I'm 6 months into my OT program at Loma Linda, the only school I applied to, and loving every bit of the chaos that it shoves into my life, as well as all the friends that are experiencing it alongside me. I am loving the luxury of having a home away from home (my own room and bathroom).... a chance at redemption (because my grades at UCSD were close to trash).... opportunities for new/unexpected friendships (I've never had so many non-Korean friends that I actually hang out with in my life) and lifelong sisterhood (seriously, thank you God for my 2 OT sisters)... and a map that will for sure lead me to "Sarah Ku, OTR/L" aka a life of personal fulfillment, joyful struggles, priceless relationships, and financial stability.

I say 2012 was a great year. And I guess starting out with low expectations helped me in concluding the year with this fact.

Hello, 2013
The previously stated fact, however, doesn't mean that everything was almost perfect ("almost" because nothing ever is). If I was to change one thing, it would be to eat less junk and more Bread. School, and the life that came with it, was an excuse to get away with it, but it should've been the excuse to READ MORE of God's Word. I was becoming more and more selfish with my time and justifying all of the negative emotions felt/thoughts thought. And the worst part is, I knew it and yet didn't do much about it even if I genuinely wanted to. My desire to change for God was strong -- I was fully aware of my sinfulness -- but my willpower was weak.

This year, I hope to put this realization into action. I hope to worry less, think less, love more, and trust Him more. I hope to let Christ be the motivation for everything. And I hope to cling tightly to the belief that by doing those things (or even striving for them), God will take care of the rest.

This year, I have high hopes. 2013, good or bad, will be great.