All the excitement of studying "grad school stuff" and experiencing the same endless amount of stress as the students of previous PT/OT classes (who had warned us about this class via the FB group before we started school) is slowly fizzling out.
This week was just full of "UGHHHH"'s and "OH MY GOSH I WANNA DIEEEEE"'s. Having a day off didn't help at all because the professors just crammed Wednesday's material all into Monday and Tuesday's lectures. I couldn't even watch fireworks on Youtube, like I said I was going to.
Yesterday night, as I was studying with my friends at home, I had the strong urge to give up. I felt like this whole week I'd just been staring at letters on a page. Nothing was being absorbed. Seriously, nothing. I felt so dumb. I think I asked like 6 TAs whether this week's exams were the hardest and for the most part they said yes. One TA even said (I don't know if it was to encourage me or make me want to die even more), "I definitely did the worst on this practical. I think I got around 4 wrong." But these TAs are geniuses. They know everything! They spit out the nerve roots to random muscles like it's their cell phone number. 4 wrong for them = probably 10 for me.
Yeah, I was fuhreaking out. I didn't even intake caffeine today morning, yet I went to the bathroom 3 times before the 1st exam and had to go again during the 2nd one. (Maybe it's because I ever-so-conveniently started my. today morning.)
Oh wait, I almost forgot. Here's a picture:
I felt really bad not being able to answer a lot of her questions. She probably thought our group was so dumb. But then again, she might be too nice to think that.
Anyway, I went into the lab second to last, after having gone to the bathroom for the 3rd time, and found a station toward the front. Anxious, I prayed to God and then looked up at the wall in front of me. There that frame was - the one holding the letter titled "Only Do Your Best" in big bold letters.
It said:
(I snuck a picture of it a few days ago. Don't tell.)I am ___[for the sake of privacy]___ - Tossie to my husband; Mom to my 6 children; Granny to my grandchildren and great grandchildren; Nurse to my patients; and Friend to all who love God, life, and each other.
For you my prayer is that I will be useful in your quest for knowledge, so that you may better serve.
Please forgive my broken bones, accidentally caused by chasing sheep, being kicked by a horse, and falling down stairs - which happened as I was teaching children about responsibility and love while caring for their 4-H projects and pets.
Please forgive also my arthritic hands. They served me well over 80 years enabling me to push a wheel barrow, hold an infant, or to hold a newborn bunny while trying to bring it back to life with my own brand of CPR.
You may also note greater muscular development in one leg, and my misshapen foot. One leg is shorter than the other, and I always had to stand on the toes of that foot to keep on an even keel. Then I could cook and wash dishes or can fruit, even when I had to lean on that sink with my forearms to keep going.
I am thankful that my body can be of use to you. I ask only that you do your best.
God bless you,
Mom
... And then and there I was encouraged to do my best. As dramatic as this sounds, I stared past the porous cloths into the faces of the once-construction worker/college professor/car technician/receptionist/cook/etc. and said a mental Thank You.
So although this honeymoon stage is almost over, it doesn't mean I am almost no longer thankful.
God had a purpose for "Mom" and He has a purpose for me - to be here to learn and grow as a future OT and of course a follower of Christ.
4 more weeks left of this class. I CAN DO THIS!
Practical: 66/70
Written: 64/70
(Why do I always get 2 more questions wrong on the Written than on the Practical??)
No comments:
Post a Comment