refreshed

i just came back an hour ago from my pastor's house in pasadena.
jen smn had asked if i was available this week to come over for some dinner/dessert and catch-up time, and the only time that worked for us both was today at 8pm.

[ok honestly i'm like 63% awake right now, which is pretty freaking good for what i'm usually like at this hour, ESPECIALLY having driven wayyy past the time at which i get really sleepy on the road (~10pm). i don't really feel like thinking right now, but i will. i don't guarantee the following will flow or make sense.]

i want to just barf everything that i feel right now onto the screen and somehow have it seep into the www and automatically translated and altered to make it sound eloquent and perfectly understandable!!!! but obviously i cannot.

but it's ok!
it is 1:39 am and i feel so refreshed from having verbally barfed all of my current frustrations and stress and struggles onto jen smn and pastor ben, who, in response, have been so supportive, helpful, and understanding in their words of wisdom, advice, and prayer. and talk about NOONCHI. holy moly, they FLOORED me when they expressed how much they already knew about what i had actually kept inside before i decided to tell them anything (or even confirmed to them that they're right!). WOW. wow. i guess with age comes crazy intuitions/analytic skills. and maybe being a power couple helps, too. (if you don't know pastor ben -- cool fact: he's tight with well-renown pastors like john macarthur.) (oh, and they told me today that they had 1,000+ ppl at their wedding. sooo surprising, but then again, not.) (i hope i become like them when i'm in my 40's, so i could know what's going on with my kids and ggpwn them if they ever lie to me.)

anyway, i digress.
i just wanted to write about how much i love them. not everyone can say that they have a pastor and smn who care enough to invite you over, feed you, talk with you, laugh with you, share personal stories with you, ask you how you're really doing, and then pray for you. being there for 4.5 hours was not enough for all of us, and they had even wished that i could sleep over since it was so late and there was more to talk about. but the thought of it all just overwhelmed me and i was reminded once again of God's provision for me. not only does He take care of material needs, but He finds different ways of patching up spiritual and emotional wounds as well. i needed it, but i didn't know to what extent til i was there on their couch, venting away. and to have had my needs met through such wonderful shepherds made me feel so.... joyful! and awake! driving away from their house at 12:30am.

as i was walking to the door to leave, pastor ben said, "sarah, always know we're here for you. we support you." jen smn walked me out and gave me a huge hug saying, "we care for you. any time you need to vent or just talk and hang out, you know what to do. i love you."

:) today was a good good day. minus my back ache from having started.


sidenote: during our talk, jen smn was like, "sarah, i had no idea you had all this to share with me! up until now, i've always seen you so bubbly and energetic and --"
seriously the 230485th time i've heard this from people. remember the crazy cult unnis from korea who told me the same exact thing? "you seem so bubbly and outgoing on the outside, but full of worries and anxiety on the inside."
haha funny